My sympathies, Cap. I can only imagine navigating this is an anxiety-inducing, overwhelming, and often frustrating experience.
My spouse works in mental health with the patients you describe, and it is no small challenge. The patients themselves are one thing, but the rest of the family, the logistics, the system, and the availability of the right care are all things that everyone involved has to deal with it. Black and white answers are never as available as one thinks until they're knee-deep in the scenario - like the one you're in.
Wanting control over your family's situation is all anyone wants, and you're not alone. Note that you and many other families are going through the same thing, and if you can find it in yourself to be the rock that your family needs - that's an incredible feat.
I may advise raise concerns where need with their physicians and healthcare workers, but also know that those decisions aren't made lightly either. I guarantee there are humans working the other side of the coin that want the best for your parents too.
Managing dementia is a family and community effort. And you're never alone - even if at times it seems like it.
I hear you. I definitely hear you.
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