Quote:
Originally Posted by mile
Hi,
I started a 1-year Software Engineering Masters program at the University of Calgary at the start of September. Ever since school has started, I've been dealing with anxiety and insomnia, both from personal issues and school.
I've always considered myself an anxious person, but have never felt it physically manifest the way it has with the constant sinking feeling in the chest and feeling my heart beating, especially in the middle of the night and early mornings. The worst stretch was three weeks ago when I did not sleep for over 55+ hours - tried twice calling 811 for advice which didn't help. It seemed like every deep breath I took would make the feeling in my chest bigger. Every time I wanted to lie down and shut my eyes, a part of my body would twitch, almost like it didn't want to sleep. For a good 12 hours, my mind was dead set on quitting school, even though I knew I wasn't sure if that was a solution.
Later, I saw the family doctor and he prescribed me Ativan for a month, to be taken only when needed. I am trying my best to practice better sleep habits by going to bed and getting up earlier, keeping my phone out of my room, practicing various breathing and meditation methods, and doing cardio exercise so I can avoid using the Ativan. But my brain/body still cannot shut down at night despite yawning and I have used an Ativan almost every night as it is the only way I can sleep right now and have enough energy for school. This past weekend, I have tried to use a small amount of melatonin (~0.5mg) instead of Ativan but barely slept on Friday night and couldn't sleep last night until I took another Ativan, which only gives me 3-6 hours of sleep.
I feel like I am running out of options. The counselling resources at the University are not what it was when I finished my undergraduate degree 5 years ago as they now only provide single-session counselling which is almost-always fully booked. I attended a session a week ago, with the psychologist suggesting I see my family doctor who could refer me to a Behavioural Health Consultant (BHC) who could provide counselling for multiple sessions. When I asked my family doctor about this, he said my insurance would not cover seeing a BHC and that the only thing he could do was refer me to a psychiatrist and said it may not be very helpful since they will only assess you and prescribe more medication. I shared my concerns about being dependent on this medication but he said that sometimes medication is the only way to treat these issues. Before school started, I did not experience any of these issues - whenever I previously felt down, I was always able to overcome it. It's hard to believe medication is the only solution right now.
I've never been a drug or alcohol user in my life, but I am very concerned that I will become dependent on this medication. I applied to see someone at the Calgary Counselling Centre almost a month ago but had no response. Before the weekend, I applied to see a counsellor with the Empower Me program provided by the Grad Students' Association. I am hopeful that the multiple counselling sessions they provide over video will help, but it's hard to believe all my issues will be solved from this.
It's been very hard to focus on school and have found it hard to enjoy the things I usually enjoy lately. If anyone had any bits of support or advice they could share, it'd be greatly appreciated.
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Sorry you are going through all that. I'm no expert, but the things that come to mind, which may help, are:
1. Get more exercise, even by just walking more.
2. Study Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and see if it applies to some of your thinking.
3. Write down all the things that are bothering you, and then set a plan to do something about the things you can do something about, and try to forget the things that are beyond your control.
4. Limit your exposure to all the bad news these days e.g. the war, falling stock markets, accelerating food prices, rising interest rates, etc.
5. The Fall of the year is often a bad time for many people, as the light from the sun is gradually diminishing. You may be suffering from a condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and if this is the case, light therapy my help.