Quote:
Originally Posted by dammage79
I honestly don't know. Hope?
I'm unmarried, no kids, living out of a car, work my ass off and live paycheck to paycheck and two paychecks behind.
The last 5 years has felt like scrapping and crawling and still slipping down the chasm.
I have moments of weakness where I break down and literally cry for hours every 6 or 7 months. Which is pretty much when I take account of my efforts in that time espan and see where there's progress being made only to realize you're falling further behind.
What keeps me going? Stubbornness, hope. Hope I'll finally sleep in my own bed once again. Hope I can see my nieces and nephews grow up and become amazing people.
But it's damned bleak man, and it's exhausting trudging through these current experiences. I'm weary, I'm tired, I don't care about a lot of things like I used to. Trying to let go of things to focus more energy on survival. I feel like I've been in survival mode for a few years now and I'm scared of how it'll affect me after this experience.
Can't tell you how the anxiety takes over every night, sleep isn't particularly friendly.
I'd like to think my deletion does more harm than good but I also have nothing really to tether me here. And thats a lonely ass thought to fight with. Self worth is questioned hourly.
It adds up and I see how many hit thay wall.
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From my own personal experience, I fear that if you don't seek out professional help you may not be able to climb out of that dark hole your in. It's consuming you to a point where you are questioning weather your existance matters. How long can you keep fighting before the anxiety and deprssion tells you to throw in the towel and end it all.
You need to seek out professional help asap!