Quote:
Originally Posted by CMPunk
I guess what I mean is, what motivates you to keep getting up day after day and living your life?
It's my 46th birthday this week and for the last 6 months to a year, my thoughts have gone to how much longer I want to live. The thought of living another 20-40 years just seems like a nightmare to me. My body is already breaking down, I already feel my memory going due to concussions and a family history of Alzheimer's. I can't imagine life in a nursing home, if I could even afford it.
I don't have any kids, I don't have many friends thanks to COVID and marriage. I usually work 6 days a week at two jobs to try and keep the bills paid, as I am not one of the CP elite. The only real social activity I have is hockey once or twice a week. I have family and a girlfriend that loves me, but it still doesn't feel like enough motivation to keep going.
If the Doctor told me I wasn't going to live past 50, I think that would be the biggest weight off my shoulders ever. The thought of not having to do this all anymore would be a huge relief to me. I think I'd be much happier at that point. I could make arrangements to have my loved ones taken care of, sell the house and enjoy myself one final time before that final day comes.
And yes, I will be talking to my doctor about this, however the cost of mental health isn't cheap. I think my benefits maybe cover two or three visits. I have reached out to EAP before as well, but they will only cover a handful of visits.
So how's your day been?
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I'm certainly not an expert on this, but I cannot stress enough how important it is that you use every resource you can find to get good professional mental health help.
You're taking the first step talking to your doctor.
Tell them that this isn't a passing issue, this is a SERIOUS, PERSISTENT problem that is causing issues in your daily life. Be honest with them about how you feel and how it is affecting you. This is a serious issue that shouldn't be bushed off or ignored.
I haven't read all of the replies, but I did skim.
Everyone here is trying to help, but any response that is a variation of try a new hobby, or read this book, or anything other than "Seek out professional help" may help in the short term, and may be something a professional will advise you to do, but these are not solutions.
By all means take any advice you get here that you think may be helpful, but none of them are substitutes for the help it sounds like you need and want.
PLEASE use every resource you have to get help.
Remember to advocate for yourself, be the squeaky wheel, and ask for more help than you think you need, because you probably need more than you think.
Good luck!