[Puppet Guy]

You want outrageous and positive, I'll throw my hat in. My lack of anything better to do might as well be used for something:

Spoiler!

July:
Mysterious, eccentric art collector pays $50 million for the works of one Puppet Guy. Earlier that same day, Puppet Guy returns his empties to the bottle depot, receiving an undisclosed nine-figure sum.
Later that same afternoon, Puppet Guy finds the lost treasure of Scumchop the Pirate while removing weeds from his vegetable garden. The combined value of this day of windfall makes Puppet Guy the world’s first trillionaire.
The following Wednesday, Puppet Guy purchases the Calgary Flames. New arena deal is closed later that afternoon, with naming rights to be changed monthly among Calgary and area’s many, many small breweries.
New Flames ownership hires Tibetan monks to perform exorcism in Saddledome to remove whatever hex the hockey gods placed on the team in the summer of 1989. Saddledome becomes a noisy, fun place to be (albeit with a few surreal elements owing to ownership’s influence; pre-game videos are never dull).

August:
With Matthew Tkachuk traded the previous month and the free agent marked exhausted, Flames management collectively throws their hands in the air and says “###### it!”. Roster will consist of the players currently under contract.

October 12: Night before season opener. Saddledome hosts public viewing of Slap Shot with team in attendance. Darryl Sutter forbids building DJs from ever playing Johnny B Goode ever again.
October 13: Flames home opener vs Colorado. Sellout crowd yells “Come Home Cale!” every time Cale Makar touches the puck. Flames lose 8-3.
October 15: First road game in Edmonton. Inspired by the Slap Shot showing, Nikita Zadorov clotheslines Evander Kane during pre-game warmup. Zadorov subsequently suspended for forty games, Kane requires surgery to reattach his head to his body. With Edmonton intimidated by the pre-game carnage, Flames win 10-0. Jerseys fly.

November 1: During Kane’s convalescence, further details of his sordid past are revealed, forcing the NHL to suspend him for life. Zadorov’s suspension reduced to six games in gratitude for giving the league the excuse to get rid of Kane. Zadorov scores OT winner in 3-2 victory over Seattle.

December 9: Flames visit Columbus. Sean Monahan miraculously returns to the lineup for one game. He does not contribute on the scoreboard, but secures victory by dropping a bag of Skittles in the neutral zone, allowing Milan Lucic to freight train a distracted John Gaudreau, forcing a turnover allowing recent call-up Connor Zary to score his first NHL goal.

January 21: A la the October 13 game, Flames fans chant “Come Home Brayden” whenever Brayden Point touches the puck as Tampa Bay visits Calgary. Confused, he inadvertently scored on his own net, giving the Flames a 4-3 victory.

January 23: John Gaudreau returns to Calgary as a Blue Jacket. However, he does not play as he begins vomiting violently in the locker room prior to warm-ups. It is revealed the team chef (a disgruntled fan) tampered with his meal. Flames win 13-0.

February All-Star break: Flames are in dogfight with Dallas and Winnipeg for last playoff spot.

April 12: Flames secure final playoff spot with 2-1 shootout win against San Jose. Win is their eighth in a row.
Round One:
Flames @ Avalanche. Shocking the hockey world, Calgary knocks off the defending Stanley Cup champion in six games. Breaking from tradition, Calgary wins game 2 of the series by 5-2 margin. Cale Makar again confused by the “Come home Cale” chanting.

Round Two:
Flames @ Golden Knights. Flames sweep Vegas, winning in Las Vegas for the first time ever. Vegas games are topped off by the sight of Evander Kane being beaten by bouncers outside The Bellagio.

Round Three:
Flames @ Wild. Flames over Minnesota (who shocked the league by winning the President’s trophy) in five.

Stanley Cup final:
Flames over Rangers in five, with three wins coming in overtime. With the Flames totally bought into the Sutter Method (to the point of cult-like devotion), New York is completely cowed and offers no resistance. Adam Fox refuses to leave the hotel during the Calgary games. Dan Vladar is named Conn Smythe winner. A week of celebrations is declared by the City, with the parade being held three days after the deciding game.