Quote:
Originally Posted by Itse
I fully respect that as a personal position, as long as you don't see it as "the only truly moral position" or something like that. You know yourself and what's fair to ask from you in your life.
It's just good to remember that a lot of people trying to have sex lives are sad and lonely and miserable and filled with weird kinks and hangups and bad communication skills, and a lot of people hang in social circles with a different relationship to alcohol and sex than you.
Some people just choose to live less risk-averse lives than you, for good reasons or terrible reasons, but in any case their own reasons. I don't think one is better than the other. There's a lot of choices I've made about sex which I would never recommend as rules to live by to others, but which were the right choice in that situation.
I feel like there should be a more honest and nuanced public conversation about this whole topic. To me it seems that all too often the positions around sex and drugs, and just bad sex and weird motivations to have sex, is way too black and white. Too often this discussion happens only in the context of rape, and then the popular opinions seem to be "she was asking for it, she made those choices, what did she expect" or "he's obviously a monster".
In these discussions you always have to boil things down to "do you think this specific person abused that specific person", and that's extremely limiting.
There's just so much that people do that's messy and problematic that isn't bad or assault, or anyone's fault even when things go bad, but we never talk about.
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No my morality is my morality, I dont require anyone else to follow it, I also recognise that my attitudes to sexuality have been strongly influenced by growing up in a battered wives shelter my mum ran and then spending 40 odd years working with many hundreds of kids and women who have been victims of sexual violence, I am possibly more painfully aware of the damage we men do than most.
I would say that I think having sex with drunk or stoned women is insane practically and I think any guy that does it is nuts these days but that isnt a moral issue