The dillema for the US/west is simple, Putin will likely end up being deposed and killed if he loses the war and he knows it, so for him personally that means nukes are not off the table, a man that knows he will be dragged kicking and screaming out of his house and strung up on a lamppost by an angry mob isnt a rational player in any normal sense even if he isnt technically insane.
Also beyond this it is vital not to prove his own rational for the war, the reality is most Russians dont disapprove of the war, they do see Ukraine as part of Russia, if the war had worked, a quick bloodless takeover they would have approved, for Russia to disapprove it needs to be a bloody expensive mess for Russia with no sense that they are defending themselves from the west, if we start being seen to attack Russia then the blood and expense becomes worthwhile in Russians eyes
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