[CaptainCrunch]

Yeah, sometimes I use CalgaryPuck as a bit of a sounding board, I get great advice here at times, its a great community for that. Sometimes I just use it as an outlet.

Not just recently, but for a while now, I've watched my mother fight a brutal losing battle with Dementia, and seen the toll that its taken on her and my dad. Several years ago, she had a fall that caused brain damage as she had suffered from bleeding on the brain that was caught late. We thought we were in the clear as she bounced back to be the smart, funny vivacious woman with a sometimes sharp tongue that I'd grown up with. If I was ever going to describe the mother that I knew it was fire plug, opinionated, loving, kind and generous.

I still laugh when I think of going to school every year with all of the insurance forms and in the spot where they asked form my mom's age she wrote "None of your damn business".

But Dementia has taken that away, its taken her away from me and my sisters and especially my dad. She has rare moments of awareness, but now it a miracle if she knows who I am when I visit her. Its rare that when she talks that it makes sense. She wakes up in the middle of the night because my dad is a stranger.


Its taken my dad in a different way. I've always been clear here that for years, I had a bad relationship with my dad. I couldn't wait to move out when I hit 18, fleeing to the army and later to the States. Over the years we've fixed it. I always marvelled that my dad aged gracefully and even to this day at the age of 88 looked like he was much younger, was smart and funny and slightly weird. But Dementia . . . my mom's dementia has taken that away. He's old school til death do you part, I'll take care of this. But he can't as much as he wants to, as much as he tries, and god knows he's done everything he can.

Sadly we as a family decided to move them into extended care, while we can still get them in together. Dad has fought it but finally surrendered, I think he's finally realized that he just can't take care of her anymore.

Its tough even for us kids to realize it, We all, and I mean most of us, take examples from our parents, how they got us through hard times, skinned knees, broken bones, personal disasters, but now they can't do it.


I can't help but feel that my dad feels a bit betrayed, that we pressured him and are taking away his freedom and worse that he feels like a bit of a failure because we don't think he can handle this and take care of his wife.

I learned to late the depth of support out there for care givers of people with Dementia, that there are resources and professionals that can talk you through. I'm grateful to the social worker that was assigned to talk to me via my other therapy.

It really is a nice extended care home with lots of activities, really nice living spaces, and a staff that when I vetted them seems great. I'm hoping that once my dad adjusts that he can live out the rest of his life without the gut wrenching pressure that he's probably been feeling, and maybe find some joy again, or something to do besides being scared and worried all of the time.

This disease is awful, it robs a person of everything and robs a family and friends of a light in their lives. I'm not delusional enough to think that the programs that they offer for Dementia patients is going to reverse anything, or bring her back, I'm resigned to the fact that my mother will keep seeing me as the son that she lost almost 50 years ago (That's who she thinks I am) or that we'll have long interesting conversations about the books that she's read of the music that she likes.

I guess the thing I wanted to convey, for those of you with relatives that have been effected by this, or might be in the future.

There are support resources for care givers and family members.
There are programs that can help people with Dementia and the massive emotional mood swings and frustration that it causes.
Don't be afraid to ask for help from your doctor.
Don't be afraid to learn how much this can effect your mental health and get help to cope with it.

Also don't be afraid to get tested for early onset if you're worried about it.

Thanks for letting me put this here.