Quote:
Originally Posted by 81MC
Don’t think I can say this without some sort of ‘victim blaming’ or whatever the hell, but...
Relationships require two people. At what point does it go from ‘dump this loser’ to PTSD inducing abuse? I don’t know, it’s not 1950 anymore, if your boyfriend or girlfriend is being mentally abusive you can walk out the door.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by undercoverbrother
Yeah dude, that's easy to say, but harder to do. There are spouses that stay in non-abusive relationships/marriages just out of fear of change.
Throw in some physical or mental abuse and it changes everything.
I don't think you are being flippant with your comment so don't get me wrong, it just isn't as easy a leaving.
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Agree with the above, and I'll add that it's totally understandable why someone with no direct experience of such things would wonder why a partner in an abusive relationship wouldn't just leave. I certainly struggled with that understanding myself.
Over the years I've spent working in law though, it's something you see time and again. There are ties that bind people to these partnerships - finances, housing, children - that may keep them where they are. Add to that fear - both of the unknown and of their partners' reactions when they do leave - and a perceived lack of viable alternatives, which makes things even more difficult.
Finally, what I've discovered is that a lot of the people who end up tethered to these relationships are just nice. They see only the best in people, always overlooking flaws, relying on hope/belief that things will improve or that their partner's intentions are actually good, even if their actions suggest otherwise. They're much quicker to look for what they themselves have done wrong, than to cast blame on others.
This is one of the great tragedies of these abusive situations: a lot of the victims are just hapless, kind, loyal optimists who give people the benefit of the doubt. Again and again. To a fault.