[PepsiFree]

Couple thoughts when reading this thread:

- "They/them" has been used as a singular for hundreds of years. People are saying it's typically plural, but I don't think people realise how often they use it for ungendered/gender unknown people. "The customer wanted a discount, so I gave it to them" or "Someone wrote an article about bananas, they gave some pretty good reasons why bananas are actually terrible." It's only awkward because you "know" the gender of the person. Elliot has also said he/him is fine along with they/them, so in this specific case, it should cause no trouble for plural purists. But typically, we use they/them for both singular and plural all the time.

- People worry too much about the "intolerant left" or whatever. Really, how often do you encounter someone who is not remotely understanding and will scream at you for using the deadname of someone who is a stranger to you both. You're honestly concerned that in your day to day life, someone will do anything beyond say "Actually, it's Elliot now" if you call him Ellen Page? I doubt it. I run in wildly progressive queer circles, and even then there's a pretty good understand and a pretty good ability to quickly tell the difference between a mistake/ignorance and something malicious (the "malicious" tell is usually what is said around the deadnaming, not deadnaming itself).

- And maybe most importantly: if being shamed by some random person is enough to make you "not on my side" then you were never on my side to begin with. I'm anti-racist, but if I slip up and say something insensitive or ignorant and someone goes off on me, I'm not suddenly turning around and thinking "alright, guess I'm racist now." Grow up, that's silly. Nobody believes that. Nobody is perfect, this is true, but if you're asking for forgiveness for slip ups and mistakes and not to be shamed, it seems reasonable for you to forgive the same of others, and not just abandon them completely on first criticism.