I just got engaged to a guy I have been living with for a little over two years. After my divorce 5 years ago I took some time, but started dating about a year after it was over.
I went on a lot of first dates.
I left a ton of first dates. I wouldn’t leave unless the person who met me completely misrepresented themselves before meeting in real life. In fairness I would warn men that I just wanted honesty with first off what they look like and secondly, if they were married/in a relationship. I had some doozies.. I had one guy show up for a date on his motorcycle and he wore a Canadian Flag on his head as a dew-rag to try to impress me.. I also had a guy shake my hand at a first meeting and at the same time, he cranked out a giant fart and told me it happened when he got nervous.. lol.. (funny now, but at the time I went back to my car and threw up)
I met my guy (I guess he’s my fiancée now!) in Houston on business and then lived in KC for over a year before deciding to move to Houston. When I first met him I was dating others still and didn’t realize how much I was going to love this guy.
After we had talked on the phone for about three months and had wonderful conversations, I started to really look forward to hearing from him. He did things like sending me flowers every three weeks or so, to my office. The flowers were always over the top with a beautiful card attached. I told him he didn’t have to do that but honestly, I loved it. I was so flattered. I remember he once said to me ‘I am staking my claim and I want the guys in KC to know they have some competition.’ Some women may have found that sexist but I was flattered.
After a little time I started flying to Houston once a month and he came to KC a few times. He gave me space, he was a perfect gentleman and he always let me know he was thinking of me but told me from the start he wouldn’t tell me what to do or how to live.
It’s the classic take-away- and there is no better way to get a woman to be interested in you if you stay controlled, non jealous, and as ambivalent as possible.
Point of the story for guys..
1) Don’t oversell yourself, just be yourself. If she doesn’t like you, her loss.
2) Don’t develop a standard that no woman can meet. So often men get an idea that they are going to meet a model and they are disappointed when her edited selfie isn’t the same as her in-person mug.
3) If you like her, tell her in a subtle, original way. Send her flowers, or a note, or something different with nothing to do with emAils and texting. Do something that makes you stand out in her mind, because online dates are a dime a dozen.
4) Don’t push her to quit dating other people, nor should you quit dating other people. If the two of you are a good match this should be a natural process. Wait for the right time and decide if YOU want to be exclusive first, and then discuss your feelings with her.
5) When it comes to NON online dating, and you find someone attractive, don’t be afraid to ask them out if you don’t know their relationship status. There is nothing wrong with saying ‘Hey, I find you to be very attractive, and I was wondering if you’d like to go out some time?’ If she said ‘Thanks but I am married’ then just apologize and let it go. Either way, you’ve flattered someone, and you just might get a yes.
Good luck out there everyone ❤️❤️
|