[killer_carlson]

well I'm not a teacher so I don't know what your teachers are telling you. They are the better gauge than am I.

But since you are asking for my $.25 opinion, I would alter your plan as follows:

Introduction: Why state other possible opinions unless you are going to discredit them later on? To bring them up and not talk about them only distracts from what you are trying to say. An essay is about convincing someone of your position.

Para 1: looks good

Para 2: looks good

para 3: Why would you waste the readers time telling him or her about two examples of why you are right (the previous two paragraps) and then tell them about why someone else might be right. To me that reeks of someone who isn't sure about their position and hasn't the confidence to pick a good thesis in the first place.

However...I like the idea of using two, possibly three sentances to set up the opposite position to yours, only to then cut the legs out from underneath and point out how tragically flawed that position is. This is a very important paragraph because if you don't completely cut out the legs then you undermine your previous position. This is also how you start to encroach on 90% as well - if done right. It's also the reason why it is so important to plan your paragraphs well at the beginning.

Conclusion: Start by restating your thesis. It is what ties your whole paper together. State it point blank. Support it with a summary sentance of each of your other three paragraphs and then finish it with a conclusion that answers your question.

Other tip might be to ask your teacher for a list of good transition words or phrases that you can use to tie in to the preceeding paragraph and have your paper flow nicely.