Richkilt man, I'm sorry you're going through this.
I'm going to echo what others here on the board have said and try to offer a bit of wifely advice and tough-love.
Your world is falling down around your ears and you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. That sucks, and I'm sorry. Hard as it is, you've got to pull yourself together and take care of yourself before you can move forward, make anything better, or have any kind of meaningful discussion with your wife.
When was the last time you drank a glass of water? If you don't know, don't care, or don't remember - go and drink a glass of water right now. Just chug it and get it done. I'm not even kidding. Go do it. Now.
Have you eaten in the past four hours? If the answer is "no", go and get something to eat right now. A banana, a sandwich, canned soup, a glass of milk - whatever you can stomach that's "real food". Chips and candy don't count. Not eating is punishing your body and it's digging your hole deeper, clouding your thinking and making it even harder to do anything else.
Did you take a shower today? Are you wearing fresh clothes? If the answer is "no", go and get in the shower right now and then get dressed in fresh clean clothes. Things hurt right now. I get it. But that's no excuse to act like you're not worth of basic self-care.
How much sleep have you had in the last 24 hours? If the answer is "less than six" you need to get some rest. (But eat and shower first). Can't sleep? Just lie down in bed, with blankets, in the dark for 15 minutes and see what happens. Turn on some white noise. Don't even bother trying to think or not-think about anything in particular. Just lie down in the dark and give it 15 minutes.
Yeah, I'm just some strange on the internet and all, but I really want you to do this. Drink some water, eat some food, take a shower and lie down and rest. These are the basic steps in building yourself back to being a functional human being. That is to say, treating yourself with care and dignity even if you don't feel like it right now.
After that, you can address some intermediate self-care like "have you been outside today?" and "have you spoken to another adult human today?" Some of us here on CP actually do count as "adult humans", by the way. We all need a little help sometimes, and we all need to share our stories with others. Sometimes just being heard is enough to get us through the day and bleed off enough stress to start thinking clearly again.
Without sleeping or eating, or getting the basics covered you just aren't in a state of mind to think clearly, act rationally, or think about your future. So go drag yourself to the kitchen by your teeth if you have to and get started.
Beyond that, others have already covered the salient points of getting some help for yourself quickly - be that employee assistance, your family physician, or some counseling just for you before you address it together with your wife.
Hang in there, and check in. Best of luck to you.
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