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ThisIsAnOutrage · 12-31-2018, 01:01 AM

A Trade for a Parade! Caggiula, Wideman, Garrison out; Petrovic, Manning, Norell in for the win!

"Dynamic." "Dynamo." "Dynamite." These words are usually reserved for the Edmonton Oilers' dashing, daring, darling, Connor McDavid (37gp, 21g, 35a, 56pts, +4), but today it was the Oilers' General Manager, Peter "Smelly" Chiarelli, who stole the limelight and accolades with a hat-trick of his own. Displaying a deft hand usually reserved for Las Vegas Magicians, Chiarelli discarded a bum draw of Drake Caggiula, Chris Wideman, and Jason Garrison, and in return pulled three Aces: Alex Petrovic, Brandon Manning, and Robin Norell. After the deal, Caggiula and Garrison now call Chicago home, while Wideman, along with a conditional 2019 3rd round pick will take up residence in beautiful Sunrise Florida. With rumours swirling that there were even more deals in the works, Chiarelli had limited time to field questions about the trades. Straight away, he was asked, "Why?"

"It's so simple, I can't believe you don't see it." "We've seen what the 'Identity line' can do," said Chiarelli, referring to the line of Zach Kassian, Milan Lucic, and Kyle Brodziak (combined 109 gp, 6g, 10a, 16pts, -27), before continuing, "Now imagine an identity axis. Lucic on the left wing, Petrovic on left defense, and Cam Talbot in goal. We've got the opposition across, and down. Connect four. Checkmate. Next question!"

Chiarelli was then asked about the wisdom of bringing Brandon Manning into the fold, a player who is responsible for breaking the glittering, gilded collar bone of NHL uber-star, Connor McDavid, back on November 3, 2015. "Again, it's simple. If Manning can break Connor McDavid's collar bone, Connor. McDavid's. collar bone, he can break anyone's collar bone. When you want to protect your best, you get the best protection." When asked if Manning would also protect Leon Draisaitl (38gp, 19g, 28a, 47pts, +1) Chiarelli replied, "He doesn't speak Dutch. Last question!"

Addressing the other elephant in the room, Chiarelli was gamely asked, 'What's with the nickname "Smelly"?'

"Beautiful, isn't it?", replied Chiarelli. "It's because I can smell a good deal a mile away. And since you're asking, yes, I thought of it myself."

The Oilers are next in action on New Year's Eve against the Western Conference Leading Winnipeg Jets. Commenting on his team's chances, Chiarelli was keen to note that he thought it would be a fair contest since neither team would have Dustin Byfuglien.

12-31-2018, 01:01 AM	#4962
ThisIsAnOutrage Lifetime Suspension Join Date: Dec 2014 Exp:	A Trade for a Parade! Caggiula, Wideman, Garrison out; Petrovic, Manning, Norell in for the win! "Dynamic." "Dynamo." "Dynamite." These words are usually reserved for the Edmonton Oilers' dashing, daring, darling, Connor McDavid (37gp, 21g, 35a, 56pts, +4), but today it was the Oilers' General Manager, Peter "Smelly" Chiarelli, who stole the limelight and accolades with a hat-trick of his own. Displaying a deft hand usually reserved for Las Vegas Magicians, Chiarelli discarded a bum draw of Drake Caggiula, Chris Wideman, and Jason Garrison, and in return pulled three Aces: Alex Petrovic, Brandon Manning, and Robin Norell. After the deal, Caggiula and Garrison now call Chicago home, while Wideman, along with a conditional 2019 3rd round pick will take up residence in beautiful Sunrise Florida. With rumours swirling that there were even more deals in the works, Chiarelli had limited time to field questions about the trades. Straight away, he was asked, "Why?" "It's so simple, I can't believe you don't see it." "We've seen what the 'Identity line' can do," said Chiarelli, referring to the line of Zach Kassian, Milan Lucic, and Kyle Brodziak (combined 109 gp, 6g, 10a, 16pts, -27), before continuing, "Now imagine an identity axis. Lucic on the left wing, Petrovic on left defense, and Cam Talbot in goal. We've got the opposition across, and down. Connect four. Checkmate. Next question!" Chiarelli was then asked about the wisdom of bringing Brandon Manning into the fold, a player who is responsible for breaking the glittering, gilded collar bone of NHL uber-star, Connor McDavid, back on November 3, 2015. "Again, it's simple. If Manning can break Connor McDavid's collar bone, Connor. McDavid's. collar bone, he can break anyone's collar bone. When you want to protect your best, you get the best protection." When asked if Manning would also protect Leon Draisaitl (38gp, 19g, 28a, 47pts, +1) Chiarelli replied, "He doesn't speak Dutch. Last question!" Addressing the other elephant in the room, Chiarelli was gamely asked, 'What's with the nickname "Smelly"?' "Beautiful, isn't it?", replied Chiarelli. "It's because I can smell a good deal a mile away. And since you're asking, yes, I thought of it myself." The Oilers are next in action on New Year's Eve against the Western Conference Leading Winnipeg Jets. Commenting on his team's chances, Chiarelli was keen to note that he thought it would be a fair contest since neither team would have Dustin Byfuglien.