Quote:
Originally Posted by FurnaceFace
Also since posting this thread I have learned there are members who have had similar struggles and come out the other side. I'm honoured you shared this with me. Expressing this even quietly and not publicly on this board is courage enough in my books. I'm extremely proud of you for coming out of your dark place. If there are others who are still struggling know there is hope.
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There is something I need to share with all of you.
Why am I sharing this with you?
It's because of what FurnaceFace said in the above bolded posting.
I am that person he was talking about and somehow I somehow found the courage to publicly share this with all of you. I also felt it was important that I did. We can't continue with the attitude that if it doesn't affect me, I don't want to hear about it. We need to create an atmosphere where those struggling can feel comfortable coming forward and talk about what troubles them.
I short, I didn't play hockey or have to deal with the issues associated with it. What I shared in common with this goaltender was the constant anxiety, fear of people, OCD, relentless bullying and the feeling that I didn't fit in. My choice in my early 20's wasn't a piece of rope but a bottle of pills.
Imagine being in a psych ward with bars on the window and having strict rules governing when you, got to sleep and the loss of personal freedom. Most of all a doctor saying you can leave until we feel you are no longer a threat to yourself.
Thanks but no thanks, I have zero desire to go back to that place again.
Dan buying that rope with the intent of hanging himself wasn't something where he woke up one morning and decided to kill himself. Think of a boxing match where you're battling your personal demons. As each round comes and goes you get worn down from the never ending battle. If it goes on long enough you reach a point where you literally throw in the towel as you no longer have the emotional strength and ability to battle your demons. Your ability to cope is gone and you just want out.
There's a phrase from the Shawshank Redemption movie that I really like where Andy says to Red, "Get busy living or get busy dying." You reach a point in your battle where you realise that if you don't reach out for help, you won't be around for very much longer and in reality it's true. When all hope is gone your zest for life goes with it.
I have to tell you that talk therapy is interesting in that it helps you come to an understanding of who you are as a person and why you act they way that you do. Knowing those two things takes away the scary I don't understand what is happening to me and sets you on the road to recovery. It's simlar to the phrase of; "How do you know where you're going if you don't know where you're coming from." You have to have a base of understanding from which to work from.
You also come to realise that you're not different, weird, odd or any other thoughts that make you think that you don't fit into this world. You are your own unique and special person and it might surprise you to know that there are others out there just like you.. We all have our own quirks and oddities.
Near the end of the article you see a huge change in Ben's attitude towards life. He goes from negative and pessimistic to being positive and hopeful. He now has a plan and the tools to effectively to deal with his demons. While the road ahead will be met with many potholes and detours along the way and that the journey won't be easy, he's confident he can handle with whatever life throws at him. I know because I have my own.
Issues like this make people uncomfortable.
Why?
Because people can't fathom how a bright intelligent young man would ever get to the point where he would want to kill himself. People in general like to pretend that it doesn't exist and if it doesn't impact me, I don't want to hear about it.
Society also makes you feel that way because they don't want you to talk about it. They want you to put a smile on your face and pull up your boot straps. When someone asks how you're doing you're supposed to say everything is fine and life is great. That was my late father to a tee and the society that I grew up in as a teen and young adult.
Slowly but surely this attitude is changing and to be honest we have a long ways to go before every troubled individual feels comfortable sharing. Too many people are committing suicide and that needs to stop!
Don't judge, mock or ridicule me or Ben for that matter, but try to understand and if you can't, find someone who will help you.
Finally, if you're struggling like I did reach out for help. I wouldn't be here talking to all of you if I didn't
Thank you for listening.
Dion
