Quote:
Originally Posted by Bring_Back_Shantz
The first bold statement is 100% true, they should be held to the exact same standard. But the standard isn't "Don't say anything" it's don't make other people uncomfortable.
The second bold statement is missing that point.
I'm going to assume that you weren't actually offended by what woman B said. If you were then you have a point, and I'm still going to use your example as a hypothetical where there is seemingly a double standard, but in reality there isn't.
In your example Woman A made a lewd comment to Woman B. Everyone there was comfortable with it (again, I'm assuming you weren't actually offended by what she said).
The same standard doesn't mean you can make a similar comment about a female bartender to Woman B. The standard is you can make a similar comment to people with whom you are in the same standing as the relationship between Woman A and B.
Woman B probably knows Woman A is making a joke and isn't going to follow up on her comment. She may or may not know that about you, or anyone else for that matter. You have a different relationship with different boundaries.
That's what context means. The context isn't "Who is a man, and who is a woman" it's "What is the relationship between the people in this group, and are there dynamics that make it reasonable to assume that certain statements, or actions are appropriate or not".
If you truly were offended by what Woman A said, then yes, you are holding them to the same standard. But if you simply think, I can't make lewd remarks to Woman B, therefore Woman A shouldn't, then you are either not enforcing a common standard, or YOU are the one who is creating the world were no one can say anything, that you seem to be worried is coming.
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I agree context is important. For me it's not about well if I can't say it you shouldn't be able to, that's childish. I'm not missing the point at all, that thought has never once crossed my mind. I know what context means. I, like you have colleagues that I know I can talk a certain way with and ones that I keep it 100% professional.
I agree with you on recognizing whom you can say certain things to, you have to know your audience. That's not at all what I'm referring to. I'm saying if it makes a man uncomfortable then women need to be held to the exact same standard, period. That's it. I think we're essentially agreeing but saying it in a different way. Maybe not.
I'm also pointing out that many men would never say something like that made them uncomfortable because of reactions like yours. Even though I don't think that's what you're saying and would be supportive of a man coming forward. It feels like there's a thought that a man can't because it's different for men. I've had women in higher positions make comments to/about me that made me feel a little uncomfortable (not sexual comments necessarily) but I'd never say anything about it. First of all it's probably not worth it, secondly I'd be labelled a certain way and that probably hurts my career.
When it comes to these types of situations though we need to stop acting like it's traumatizing. A coworker making a comment that makes you uncomfortable doesn't necessarily require that they be fired and dragged through the mud on social media.
The threesome comment isn't traumatizing and we need to stops acting like it is. Inappropriate, sure, traumatizing no. If it is traumatizing to you then you need to be an adult and recognize that maybe you need to get some help.
It doesn't seem to me that like many here are saying if they can say it I can too, granted I haven't read every single post.