Quote:
Originally Posted by AFireInside
At work, when it comes to making comments men and women should be held to the exact same standard. I agree with you on most of what you are saying, context is the difference. Not at work when it comes to making sexual comments. Most men aren't going to say a word about a comment that made them uncomfortable because they are going to get the exact reaction you are presenting here. "Well it's different for women, you're a man you don't feel unsafe." It's not always about feeling "unsafe" it could just be feeling uncomfortable. Lewd comments at work should be a problem for both genders.
I do agree with you that many people need to figure out that there are people you can act differently around, that isn't easy for everyone so they are going to react the way we're talking about here. By shutting down and taking no chances.
They problem is we're making a really big assumption that everyone is capable of reading situations and social cues the same way, they aren't and there needs to be a little less outrage when things aren't a big deal. When it's coworkers where the power dynamic is the same a reasonable response would be to talk to the person that made the comment. Going to the media and trying to get them fired while being outraged is an over the top response.
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The first bold statement is 100% true, they should be held to the exact same standard. But the standard isn't "Don't say anything" it's don't make other people uncomfortable.
The second bold statement is missing that point.
I'm going to assume that you weren't actually offended by what woman B said. If you were then you have a point, and I'm still going to use your example as a hypothetical where there is seemingly a double standard, but in reality there isn't.
In your example Woman A made a lewd comment to Woman B. Everyone there was comfortable with it (again, I'm assuming you weren't actually offended by what she said).
The same standard doesn't mean you can make a similar comment about a female bartender to Woman B. The standard is you can make a similar comment to people with whom you are in the same standing as the relationship between Woman A and B.
Woman B probably knows Woman A is making a joke and isn't going to follow up on her comment. She may or may not know that about you, or anyone else for that matter. You have a different relationship with different boundaries.
That's what context means. The context isn't "Who is a man, and who is a woman" it's "What is the relationship between the people in this group, and are there dynamics that make it reasonable to assume that certain statements, or actions are appropriate or not".
If you truly were offended by what Woman A said, then yes, you are holding them to the same standard. But if you simply think, I can't make lewd remarks to Woman B, therefore Woman A shouldn't, then you are either not enforcing a common standard, or YOU are the one who is creating the world were no one can say anything, that you seem to be worried is coming.