Thread: Life Question
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Old 11-10-2017, 03:45 PM   #93
Minnie
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: On your last nerve...:D
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Quote:
Originally Posted by afc wimbledon View Post
Of course he's a dick, this is the best he can do because he's a dick.

the question isn't about him, its about who are you? are you a dick?

Apparently so, since I have a different opinion and wouldn't likely do anything other than tell him I'm sorry to hear of his situation and do nothing more, especially if said person appears to be staying true to form as he'd been in the past. I'll be ordering a t-shirt to wear.

Why is it only considered doing the right thing if you "forgive him" and "don't hold a grudge?" That's total nonsense. It sounds very much like "your brand of xianity isnt as right as mine." It's quite possible to recognize that the other person did you wrong, and not want to continue a relationship of any sort, no matter the circumstances and just continue on with life as you currently know it. I've done it. I'm still doing it.

I don't speak to my mother because she's a highly manipulative, incredibly abusive woman who can't and won't see past the end of her own nose to recognize her actions are what has driven ALL of her children to either cut her out of their lives altogether or have only very limited contact. I don't sit around all day thinking about all the ways she tried to completely ruin my life - I don't give that power to her or the memory of what she's done. I don't allow that to run my life. I've removed the issue and frankly, our lives are 100% the better for it. She is rarely mentioned and rarely thought of, beyond discussions like this, and very very occasionally she comes up in the topic of the incredibly few decent memories I have of her and it's discussed calmly. I don't hold onto the anger because it's pointless but neither do I offer her forgiveness or a place at the table of my life. She is toxic and her presence does more harm than her absence because she is unable to change or unwilling to do so. When I say she is toxic and abusive, it doesn't come from anger but from recognition and simply stating that's who she is, much like I'd also say she has white hair and green eyes.

If she was dying, I would not respond. She's had since 2002 to make changes and she won't. I would not feel bad for not responding. I would not feel bad or feel regret for not going to her funeral. I know she wont change - thats simply recognition of that fact and the subsequent acknowledgment, not anger or a grudge. She is a stranger to me now, but were I to allow her a place in my life, my life would be the worse for it. I owe it to my sanity and health and to my own family, to be a person without this woman in my life - I am stronger, healthier and a better person for it. If she was dying, that's too bad and I'd say it's unfortunate she's dying because I know there are still a few people who love her and will be sad - but I'm not one and at the end of it all, she'd be dead and I'd be trying to regain my sanity and be worse off. No, thank you. I choose my mental health over her final act as the travel agent of all guilt trips.

Last edited by Minnie; 11-10-2017 at 03:49 PM.
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