[CaptainCrunch]

Let me put it this way.

I had a close family member that a couple of years ago accused me of something that simply wasn't true. When I tried to explain it to her, she dismissed everything that I was saying and continued on her "Theory" that I was in the complete wrong about it, that I was lying and being duplicitous.

So I haven't talked to her in over two years, and I'm not going to. If she wants to make amends its all on her.

I have a lot of anger (duh), I've had it for a long time, and it something that I've been working on for a long time.

But in all the counseling sessions that I've taken the common message is that sometimes you shouldn't put yourself in a position that will do you harm. Forgiving someone just for the act of forgiving to make them feel better, really doesn't do much for you except cause you a sense of self resentment because you did it for the wrong reasons. "Hey I know you wronged me completely and utterly, and made me feel like total poop, but that's ok because I forgive you even though your not sorry about hurting me or causing me damage".

I know I caused some hard feelings in my family, and I know that my parents are a bit hurt by the splitting away from that family member by me. For example she recently came to town, and I refused to go and visit or say hi or talk to her. My parents wanted to set up a breakfast on a neutral site, and I refused to go unless she was going to apologize for basically calling me a liar and a dirt bag.

Do I regret that the last thing that I said to her was "This is your opinion, you won't listen to what I have to say, you're completely wrong, so frankly don't talk to me". Sure, but at the same time, I'm not going back to her and saying "Geez lets be family again even though you basically hurt me and crushed me and make me feel like complete shyte, and basically dragged my name through the dirt".

I'm not that forgiving.

I still send her kids X-mas gifts, who knows if they get them. But all she has to do is pick up the phone and make the first step to reconcile, and since she's not doing that, I don't need it in my life.

This friend of the OP, wants absolution without confession in my mind, he's doing it for selfish reasons, and threatening to make the OP feel shytty about himself so he can feel better about himself.

Again there's no reason to be a jerk about it, send him a nice note, wish him luck but again they're not friends, they haven't been friends for more then a decade.