Quote:
Originally Posted by Joborule
This is the problem I've been musing about while reading this thread, and what Matty has bought up.
Is basically indicating any interest in something you're attracted to off grounds? If you can't compliment physical attributes of someone you like and want to date, then how are you even gonna get to the point of having a sexual relation with them, that follows the rule you posted?
I'm all for being more respectful and considerate to women, and to take emphasis away from the important of looks; but we are human, and we are attracted to one another based on our sexual orientation. We have to be reasonable that physical compliments isn't the worst thing in the world, and must be avoided at all costs with strangers, friends, or love interests.
You don't want to push too far on the other end of the spectrum here.
|
I went into it a bit in my post to Corsi, but it’s about contextualising what you’re saying to someone.
Complimenting someone because you find them attractive is, at it’s base, a selfish thing to do. It seems like you’re doing it for them, but all you’re doing is indicating your own attraction to them. That’s fine in a setting where that is important (dating, and the potential for) but totally unimportant in a professional setting or a setting between strangers. So, contextualise it. Are you just indicating your own attraction to the person? If so, why is that important?
That’s why I state the rule that it should be something you’re comfortable telling both someone you are and are not sexually attracted to. That’s an indicator that the compliment is truly about them, and not about you. It’s also in the way you put the compliment. If you tell someone they look beautiful, that’s an expression of attraction, if you say they look really put-together, that at least can be understood as an expression of appreciation. One is valuable and appropriate in a non-sexual relationship, one is not. Use the right one if you feel you absolutely must say something (but also ask yourself if you really need to say anything at all).