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DoubleF · 10-17-2017, 10:51 AM

I haven't heard of this. I'll have to look it up. An interesting conversation to have for sure.

I once had a conversation with a group of friends with a waitress at some bar somewhere on Kensington road. The comment was regarding an engagement ring the waitress was wearing. "It's fake" she said. "Probably $5 bucks at Ardene's, but it drastically reduces the amount of times people ask me out of dates."

My friend and I once ridiculed a buddy in front of a waitress when he went too far with the "chit chat". I believe we were at the Rose and Crown. After he excused himself to freshen up, we apologized to the waitress and she remarked that though she was essentially numb to such things, but it was nice that someone said something.

I haven't called anyone out in a long time. I have to double check to see if it's because coupled friends are different in interacting with others, or if it's something that has been deemed "ok", when it really shouldn't be. Probably the latter.

IMO, some of you are going a little far, but definitely in the right direction. There's nothing wrong with making a compliment to a lady/kid/guy/. But if that's the sole interaction you have with that individual, then it's possibly reinforcing the wrong things. I and my wife and friends engage servers all the time. There's no need to walk on egg shells. A loud female friend of mine prefaced it (correctly or incorrectly, I'm not sure) this way. "

Though to be conservative, you can always preface things by saying, "If you don't mind my asking...". We like saying things like, "What do you like on the menu? What activities do you like? Where are you from? What are you working towards?". It's just a conversation. There's no need to completely avoid chit chat, but finding ways to have more... equalizing conversations is something worth contemplating. Also, making the conversation about the server helps to make the dining experience more enjoyable. We find we get better ideas when we ask the server vs "what's good here, what's recommended." etc.

For me, the conversations aren't too big of an issue, but the eye bounce is the hardest thing to shake. I've been trying to work on it since I started dating. Though my wife reminds me that I'm better than most others we know, I still think I can do better.

Ultimately, having more open conversation about the issue is the best thing to do, perhaps more than just enacting things on your own. It's easier to change with support from a group than just aimlessly on by yourself.

10-17-2017, 10:51 AM	#102
DoubleF Franchise Player Join Date: Apr 2014 Exp:	I haven't heard of this. I'll have to look it up. An interesting conversation to have for sure. I once had a conversation with a group of friends with a waitress at some bar somewhere on Kensington road. The comment was regarding an engagement ring the waitress was wearing. "It's fake" she said. "Probably $5 bucks at Ardene's, but it drastically reduces the amount of times people ask me out of dates." My friend and I once ridiculed a buddy in front of a waitress when he went too far with the "chit chat". I believe we were at the Rose and Crown. After he excused himself to freshen up, we apologized to the waitress and she remarked that though she was essentially numb to such things, but it was nice that someone said something. I haven't called anyone out in a long time. I have to double check to see if it's because coupled friends are different in interacting with others, or if it's something that has been deemed "ok", when it really shouldn't be. Probably the latter. IMO, some of you are going a little far, but definitely in the right direction. There's nothing wrong with making a compliment to a lady/kid/guy/. But if that's the sole interaction you have with that individual, then it's possibly reinforcing the wrong things. I and my wife and friends engage servers all the time. There's no need to walk on egg shells. A loud female friend of mine prefaced it (correctly or incorrectly, I'm not sure) this way. " Though to be conservative, you can always preface things by saying, "If you don't mind my asking...". We like saying things like, "What do you like on the menu? What activities do you like? Where are you from? What are you working towards?". It's just a conversation. There's no need to completely avoid chit chat, but finding ways to have more... equalizing conversations is something worth contemplating. Also, making the conversation about the server helps to make the dining experience more enjoyable. We find we get better ideas when we ask the server vs "what's good here, what's recommended." etc. For me, the conversations aren't too big of an issue, but the eye bounce is the hardest thing to shake. I've been trying to work on it since I started dating. Though my wife reminds me that I'm better than most others we know, I still think I can do better. Ultimately, having more open conversation about the issue is the best thing to do, perhaps more than just enacting things on your own. It's easier to change with support from a group than just aimlessly on by yourself.