Quote:
Do you compliment your son’s appearance the same way you compliment your daughter’s? If you don’t have a son, would you? Do you compliment the appearance of your male friends the same way you compliment the appearance of your female friends?
I am not saying we should treat everyone exactly the same. I am saying we should be aware of whom we treat differently, when we treat them differently, and why we do so. Once we are aware of those things, I think an understanding of if we need to change our behavior will follow almost automatically.
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I hear women compliment their handsome son's appearance all the time. Moms gush all over their cute little boys and handsome young men. If you've got one of each and a spouse of the opposite sex I think the compliments are probably equally distributed. But I would agree they're probably not the best way to build self esteem in kids. Nor is it a good precedent to set.
I've never understood complimenting another adult on their appearance though. I come at it from as a guy who buys and sells art so when I judge something as beautiful it's a commodity and it had better be the prevailing opinion in the market. It seems strange to me to offer that opinion of another person.
What I often do is compliment jewelry, perfume or accessories. Occasionally clothes. I have a passion for those things so it's a sincere "Holy crap I really like your xxx brand handbag". That's always taken well because it's a common interest and these things are designed to stand out. I guess it's the difference between saying "you're beautiful" and "that's beautiful".