Quote:
Originally Posted by MattyC
Isn’t the point (of that post specifically) that it’s still an issue though? Regardless of what my intentions or personal norms are we need to be checking ourselves a bit more, no?
It’s tough to realize that you might be doing something wrong in a lot of these scenarios. The times I’ve been complimented on my looks it’s flattering. Even in work spaces I’ve had women (friends) say things that would definitely be considered harassment by most of these standards. When you know someone well it can come with a different standard of course, so I guess my question would be does that line still exist when the woman breaks it? Like I get called honey or darling all the time by women of pretty much any demographic. Does them doing that open me up to using pet names as well or should I just avoid that in general? If a woman compliments my attire and I want to return should I still avoid complimenting her hair or something? Obviously my perspective is that it is pleasant to compliment someone that way (tastefully of course). That said, there are a lot of men that may find that uncomfortable as well.
I’m just curious what these boundaries are because they seem very fluid and confusing. Especially in a single/dating world where you’re never really sure where you stand with someone until you assert yourself. Obviously reading the signs to stop is key, but some of these things are pretty subtle are can be things that you don’t really get a good feeling on until after you’ve had some experience with personal relationships. I guess that’s where the whole talking with kids and stuff comes in.
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Personally, I would only use pet names like 'darling', 'honey', or 'sweetheart' with my partner. If a female coworker wants to call me 'babe' or 'darling' or anything, I'd find that unusual bordering on uncomfortable unless she did that to literally everyone. I would submit that, should you be concerned about inadvertently offending a female coworker, you simply call her by her name. If you outrank her, Ms Last Name. Be professional.
In situations where you are fortunate enough to have a woman remark upon your haircut or clothes, you should probably say 'thank you' and leave it at that. I've occasionally noticed my when women in the office have done something to their hair. Often times, several days after the fact - if I do say anything, it's limited to 'did you get your hair done? It looks nice'. I'm only addressing it because it's an obvious change (Somewhat) and I feel it would be rude to never say anything.
Asking yourself 'is this creepy?' is never a bad thing. Asking how you'd feel if someone said X to your daughter. Look them in the eye when you talk to them. Be a human being. And if the hot chick at work is wearing a dynamite top with homewrecker of a skirt, maybe just say a small prayer thanking God for brightening your day, and keep it to yourself. Pretend you've seen a woman before.
I have slept with nearly 10 women in my life. In every single occasion, the boundaries of what was acceptable and what was not were very apparent to all involved. So much so that I have come to believe this about consent: you can tell a woman wants to have sex with you because she's having sex with you. And there are two types of people: the people who understand what I'm saying, and rapists.