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Originally Posted by Peanut
We don't really have any details. I guess I'm not sure how the last 3 months being excellent is completely derailed by one big fight. And it's not totally clear what y U mean by "going downhill for some time". Downhill because you argue once a quarter, or (presumably) other reasons?
I'd second the counselling/therapy suggestion. Joint sessions or alone, or both. It seems expensive but it's surely cheaper than a divorce. Or if therapy is just too much then maybe a relationship self-help book you could do together like "4 love languages" or similar? I don't really have any good ones to personally suggest but I'm sure there are dozens of options to choose from at Chapters or the library.
Good luck with it!!
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5 Love Languages isn't very useful IMO.
5 Apology languages on the other hand, extremely useful. There's a free online quiz to determine apology language. Takes about 5-10 minutes to complete. Worth doing sometime as an eye opening experience. It's applicable towards friends as well as family. I personally don't think anyone really needs to buy the book after doing the online quiz and reading the explanations for each apology language.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/apology/
The difference between the styles are probably a minute or less, but can resolve situations where it seems like the other person is holding a grudge (when in reality it they probably feel like the apology isn't genuine and thus the issue isn't fully resolved). Anecdotally, it did help me to finally resolve a conflict outstanding for 8 months because the other party didn't feel the situation had been properly resolved.
A word of warning though, doing this test and understanding how the apology languages work does mean you can also learn how to push buttons on purpose to really piss someone off. This may or may not help with spuzzum's marital situation, but IMO apology languages are useful to know based on any regular interaction with other individuals.
I agree. I also don't get how a single fight can derail 3 months of excellent. Perhaps it's hope that the situation isn't as far gone as first perceived?