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Originally Posted by nickerjones
This is exactly it for me. How do I listen? ... and how do I react/handle/cope/deal with what they have told me?
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It can be tricky I think. Personally, I have been open with my diagnosis. One afternoon, while sitting with a group of friends, one asked me how I was doing. My response was "Aside from the anger and suicidal thoughts, I am doing good." I wasn't looking for attention nor trying to shock anyone. I was genuine. At the moment, nothing was said. The next day my friend showed up at my house unannounced and asked to talk. He was blunt and just started with asking how I was doing. He was transparent and I knew he was interested so I talked. We talked for two hours. This guy is the exception as he had a close friend hang himself. During our chat, his eyes teared up and he said he couldn't go through losing another friend to suicide. He was motivated as he knew the pain, I guess.
As well, I think I test people out too. I might say something about my situation to see what kind of a reaction I get. I'm hoping my friends and family pursue the conversation because I do want support. However, if the person doesn't respond, I will likely never try to open up with them again. Sometimes I'm subtle. Other times I am just open and honest because mental health has a stigma that needs to disappear.
I guess I'm trying to say getting the conversation started can be tricky. It seems like I'm describing dating...does she like me, did I pick up that clue properly, should I be bold or hang back, etc.
Once you get the conversation started, try to hold back suggestions and just simply let the person talk. Even with my counsellor, I often have trouble explaining what I'm feeling. She asks questions to clarify. The conversations also seem to ramble on or take a tangent frequently as different things pop into my memory. When someone listens to me, I know they likely don't have the answer but the fact that they are willing to listen and show compassion and empathy are the meaningful parts. Mental health is a very lonely illness for me and having someone listen takes away some of that loneliness.
Does this make sense? How to listen and how to get a conversation started are difficult questions.