[ThisIsAnOutrage]

McDavid sends powerful message about Sport, Life as Sharks draw even in Series, 2-2

Perennial Oilers' superstar, Connor McDavid (0g, 0a, 0pts, -1), showed that he is more than the taut and toned physical specimen all know and love and elected to throw around his intellectual weight for a change in a 7 - 0 Sharks victory as the Oilers were back in action after the Easter weekend. The message sent by McDavid was received loud and clear by Oilers fans around the globe: In this mad, mad world of ours, beauty is all too often coupled with tragedy.

Sources close to the team report that the revelation that the brightest light must necessarily create the darkest shadow weighed heavily on the Oilers' goaltending tandem of Cam Talbot (19-24, .792 sv%, 32:52) and Laurent Brossoit (2-8, .750 sv%, 27:08). As the night wore on, the pair eventually sought solace in the words of McDavid teammates Milan Lucic (0g, 0a, 0pts, +/-0) and Patrick Maroon (0g, 0a, 0pts, -2) who tried in vain to convince the troubled glove-hands that what appeared to be a crushing 7-0 defeat was but the smallest aspect of the Japanese tradition of Wabi Sabi and as such, the imperfect performance would only render the remainder of the Oilers' playoff run all the more profound and beautiful. As buy-in was not to be had, by 3:30a.m. the Oilers had brought in former enforcer, and known Renaissance Man, Marty McSorley, to address the goaltenders’ discord. Any progress McSorley had made in encouraging the pensive backstops to view the loss through the lens of the Mahayama Zen tradition of enlightenment through suffering and self-denial was lost however when Oilers’ Vice President of Hockey Operations, Craig MacTavish, sent out a team-wide text simply stating, “Don’t worry, failure is the springboard to success!”

None were hit harder by the stark knowledge that pursuit of perfection was not a virtue, but rather a gnawing, dreadful impossibility, though than Oilers' Entertainment Group Vice-Chairman, Kevin Lowe. As of 5:00a.m., beset by migraines, Lowe was utterly unable to reconcile the fact that being tied 2-2 with the Sharks in the Western Conference Quarterfinals meant that while the Oilers were half way to winning, they were also half way to losing and the result could not be known until the outcome of the series was observed by at least one Oilers fan. The conundrum was particularly straining for a man of Lowe's intellectual stature who is well reputed to know a thing or two about winning and a trickle of blood soon seeped from his nose.

Fortunately, as dawn broke, all debate was put to an end as Oilers' General Manager, Peter Chiarelli, announced that he had seen the light and realized that free will was but a delusion crafted by man to account for the pain and misery human beings had endured for the past decade, and that all goodness and glory could be manifested through the simple act of surrendering to the one, true saviour bearing the mark "97." As the light of truth slowly, yet inevitably, spread through the ranks of the Oilers and the Oilers Entertainment Group, it was unanimously agreed that tomorrow's practice would be cancelled.