[CaptainCrunch]

Wow, this one really did hit me because of the nostalgia attached to it. I first saw Star Wars in 1977 in the cinema down by the Calgary Tower. I remember that the lineup was huge. (I also remember that that area was the hooker stroll at the time so there were scantily clad woman walking back and forth on the sidewalk. Weird thought but what evs). Anyways my dad took me for my 10th birthday and he bought along my best friend in the world at the time, who ironically enough had the same first name as me.

I also remember sitting beside my Dad, who traveled all the time with his job, so I rarely saw him, but this was special, I remember sitting with him on one side and my dad on the other and we were sharing a huge bucket of buttery popcorn as the opening sprawl came up on the screen.

"A long time ago in a Galaxy Far Far away"

I remember the excitement of seeing space ships zipping across the screen, and white clad stormtroopers and a monster in Black Armor. I also remember a beautiful girl with a unusual hair cut, a bad british accent and a acid tongue. She had the nerve to stare Vader in the face and basically call Tarkin a mutt. She called a 7 foot tall furry alien who wasn't afraid to rip the arms off of things a carpet. But at the same time she showed incredible bravery and compassion and concern and worry. That was my first intro to Carrie Fisher.

I always link that first Star Wars to the good times that I had with my dad. And because of it the story and even the actors have a special place in my heart. For a brief period before things went very wrong for me and my dad, we had that moment. I remember on the drive home chatting with my dad about the movie, my fingers still sticky from popcorn and him commenting on the Princess calling her the toughest person in the film, which was the ultimate compliment from my old man.

I mean sure we had the tough desparate princess in love in Empire, and we had bikini Leia in ROTJ, but the original in the long white dress asking Luke if he wasn't a little short to be a storm trooper was the best one.

Throughout the years I've remained a devoted fan to Star Wars. But I was also a big fan of Carrie Fisher. I remember reading about her fight against addiction and Mental Illness. I remember watching the movie Postcards from the Edge with a girl that I was sweet on, and even though it was a chick flick and I had to pretend to hate it because nobody was blown up. I loved it, because it was the Carrie Fisher story.

I remember watching the George Lucas roast and the Harrison Ford roast and seeing her interviews and she was a funny and smart and aware woman. Yes the years hadn't been kind to her physically, but god damn it she was still a princess to me.

I remember seeing her cameo in Fanboys, and it was so brilliant and she in a short scene conveyed a utter sense of compassion and kindness and finality to one of the main characters.

I remember when they announced that she was going to be in the new Star Wars movie, and everyone tended to make fun of it. She's too old, and rough looking and fat to be in this movie. But I didn't care, she was still Princess Leia to me, and when she showed up on the screen again, I will admit that my heart and my brain did a fist pump that met up somewhere in the middle of my chest. And I thought, what a great reunion, and I thought back to seeing Star Wars with my dad at 10, and the stuff that went wrong, and I looked to my left in the theater at my 83 year old dad and felt like things had come full circle for me again. Everything was alright in the world, and I hadn't really thought about it when we saw Han Solo or Luke in the end, I had that feeling when I saw Carrie Fisher on the screen where she belonged.

And I remember driving my dad home, and he basically said "She's still the toughest character out of all of them".

So when I found out that she had died, all those feelings of seeing a childhood hero die kind of exploded out of me. I didn't know Carrie Fisher, though I admired her, I've never met Carrie Fisher, but her humor and her presence when I saw her in movies or interviews was overwhelming and something to look forward to.

My dad mentioned that she died and he said "She wasn't that old, its a shame".

I do think its fitting in a way that she went now, she could have been a Hollywood tragedy if she had died years ago in the middle of her struggles. But instead she was given the chance to re-invent herself, to become a figure of awareness for mental health and addiction issues, and she became something to be enjoyed and admired again, and for that we should be at the very least a little grateful. Instead of talking about another celebrity that we once admired who fell into obscurity and died in an unfortunate way as a cautionary tale. We at least got a bit of a feelgood story, and in reflection that makes it hurt a little bit more.

Rest in Peace Carrie, in the end you kicked back the darkness and light a single candle for a lot of people, and for that we should be grateful to you.