[Flash Walken]

Originally Posted by Locke

Well, you have a pretty obviously pathological hatred of Clarkson so I sincerely doubt you're ever going to be pleased unless British Health & Safety find a way to shut them down. I dont know why you even bother to watch.

You've gone off the deepend, dude. I like Clarkson. I think he's an #######, but I like him.

The show sucks, I'm not the only one saying it. Matt Leblanc drove the same rolls as May did in the most recent episode and Leblanc's segment was much better.

The far bigger issue in episode two is the basis for its name, Operation Desert Stumble. The two-part video takes the three stooges to a special forces training base in Jordan, where Executive Producer Andy Wilman challenges them to infiltrate a town, steal a car, get to an airport, take down a plane full of terrorists, rescue a VIP, and escape to an embassy. Like with the ambulance film, however, a promising concept falls by the wayside in favor of jokes, in this case Jeremy being molested by terrorists and James being repeatedly shot by a sniper.

Better conceived and ultimately more entertaining than the ambulance film, Operation Desert Stumble has some authentically funny elements. Reviewing an Audi S8 Plus while dodging terrorist gunfire is good, and your author snorted in laughter when Hammond asked if he should tickle Jeremy to force him to exit a Blackhawk helicopter. There's some lampooning of war movie clichés, too, although Clarkson's bit with Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings is a bit much. But the amusing parts and chemistry of the three hosts can only do so much with the material on offer. There's just so much deeply unfunny stuff here. A pantsless Clarkson gets blown up by a fragmentation grenade, and later, Hammond gets killed in a "knife fight." May, meanwhile, is a murderous bastard. He shoots Hammond – twice – and then executes the Queen of England.

And as for Celebrity Braincrash, it deserves a death far more gruesome than anything the team suffered during Operation Desert Stumble. This week, a "lion" mauls Charlize Theron. This may have to be our last mention of Celebrity Braincrash, because it's the worst television concept since the long-forgotten Top Gear Stunt Man.

Jeremy Clarkson warned us that cars wouldn't feature in this week's episode, and perhaps we should have listened. The Grand Tour, like Top Gear before it, is at its best when it does two things – the hosts share their screen time with the cars, and the script walks the line between primetime comedy and reality TV. Episode two is a reminder of these facts.

This is a driving show, right? Where are all the cars?