[MissTeeks]

http://www.sportsnet.ca/hockey/nhl/g...ower-rankings/

So as we wait for the ping pong balls to start bouncing, let’s set the stage with some pre-lottery power rankings. You already know how the 14 non-playoff teams are ranked in terms of their actual lottery odds, so instead let’s try a few slightly more subjective categories.

The “Conspiracy Theories Are Fun” Ranking

Let’s be clear: The NHL does not rig the draft lottery. Even the most paranoid fan had to give up that whole concept after last year. But it’s fun to pretend that they would, and these results would be the ones that would have hockey fans reaching for their tinfoil caps.

No. 5: Calgary Flames/Ottawa Senators (tie) – Oh look, it’s another lottery win for a team looking to nail down a new arena. How interesting…

No. 4: Toronto Maple Leafs – A big market headed up by a former league employee. Plus, Lou Lamoriello does have a history of getting Gary Bettman to see things his way.

No. 3: Boston Bruins – With just a 1 per cent chance of winning, any Bruins win would raise eyebrows. Factor in Jeremy Jacobs being a loyal Bettman lieutenant, and you have ammo for a generation of lottery truthers.

No. 2: Arizona Coyotes – The long-struggling franchise is handed a once-in-a-generation marketing bonanza in the form of the best local prospect to ever come along. It’s almost too obvious, right? In fact, you were probably expecting them to be ranked No. 1. And they would have, if it weren’t for…

No. 1: Montreal Canadiens – Remember when Marc Bergevin made that weird John Scott trade, then cryptically referred to “a reason that I can’t really tell you”? Sure, in hindsight that seems to be an obvious reference to the Jarred Tinordi suspension. But if the Canadiens win one of the lottery spots, we’ll all forget about that and pretend it was Bergevin’s promised payoff for helping make Scott disappear.

The "Unintentional Comedy Ranking

We all love a good laugh. Here are the results that would give us one.

No. 5: Ottawa Senators – Come on, what could be better than seeing the Maple Leafs write off an entire season, only to get passed in the lottery by the Senators?

No. 4: Montreal Canadiens – Oh, right.

No. 3: New Jersey Devils – Mainly just to see the look on Lamoriello’s face.

No. 2: Buffalo Sabres – Four words: Tim Murray victory speech. (No, really, Tim Murray’s victory speech would last for four words.)

No. 1: Calgary Flames – If the front page of every Canadian newspaper the next day wasn’t a photo of Brian Burke and the headline “They won a goddamn lottery” then I don’t know what to tell you.