As others have said, it depends. Ask the bride and groom. They can run it however the hell they way. Tradition doesn't matter all the time anymore. It's modern times. Do what you want. Also, these darn events always create drama. If a friendship gets all crap based on these discussions/disagreements, perhaps it wasn't a good friendship at all.
1. I do $75 per head if its not a close friend. $100 a head if it's a direct friend, $150 a head if it's a really close friend. However, if you don't want to "pay more" you can always short change them a little and attach a really nice note and card to USD or foreign currency if it's where they're going to for their honeymoon. (ie: $50 USD per head and pretend you know nothing about FX rates being better). I was fine personally even with $0. Just wanted people to come out and have fun/celebrate with us. Wife hoped for $100 average per head but was ok with low values for friends who weren't well to do. We told guests what we expected up front. No physical gifts, cash if insist. Don't worry about value, just want them as part of celebrations.
2. Depends. I've seen bride and groom subsidies of 0%, 50%, 100% on purchase, rental etc. We did 0%. It was a cheap dress from Le Chateau for like $120. We did gift them other stuff for appreciation though. Grooms men were allowed to wear their own stuff as long as it color coordinated. Some bought stuff, but did so because they wanted an excuse for purchasing items for rotation in a wardrobe. Again, we did gift them other stuff for appreciation.
3. Wedding planners or professional event coordinators hired for a day will reduce stress immensely and be fair to those that did spend their own money and time to be there to celebrate with you. Brides/grooms that use bridal party as slaves for things like wedding card/centre piece making are insane people IMO. It's one thing if the bridal party offers. It's another if groom/bride expect.
4. See point 2. You get bridal party gifts. $50 of nice personalized stuff (NOT CASH) is more than enough. If you don't know them enough to personalize, how did they end up as bridal party?
Misc ramblings of DoubleF:
I. Do not drink too much prior to wedding. If possible, don't drink till after. Difference between relax and scared you'll mess up in front with everyone staring at you. Asians like me also suffer from Asian flush. Doesn't look good in pics.
II. Drink water. Biggest reason many bridal party members faint IIRC.
III. Set someone as event coordinator and that's their entire job. Can be less favorable friend. Bridal party should be with bride and groom and not running around willy nilly. Parents and relatives should be enjoying event, not playing secretary.
IV. Don't over spend. No one remembers anything but the atmosphere. I cheaped out on a few things on my wedding and explained to attendees the reasoning. I did alcoholic punch plus allowed guests to purchase their own drinks for all attendees vs wine much to the chagrin of the venue because it was around 20% the cost of a bottle or two per table. Not one attendee complained, many friends later on even remarked they wish they'd done the same for cost savings but likely wouldn't have due to perceived pressure from attendees/family. I lowered the decor to nice from frilly as fk. I essentially got the most basic option at the wedding venue as possible and splurged only on dessert like adding a gelato bar for guests. Everyone had a great time.
V. Focus on atmosphere. Not things. Mine was intended to be light hearted and fun. People remember that. Some weddings were tense and awkward. People remember that. Some weddings felt forced and fake...
VI. Ignore the details on the day of the wedding. There's a thousand moving parts. Things WILL go wrong. Accept it. If a bride and groom's day is ruined over a $300 muck up on an event worth tens of thousands of dollars... that's stupid. I have a long list of things that screwed up at my wedding. I laughed it off, convinced my wife to do so, and now it's just a funny story. Honestly, we barely noticed the errors. It was just a fun night. Now, if you blow up about these things... that's a bad memory to add to a supposedly great day.
VII. Yes, it's the bride and groom's day, but thinking about enjoyment for guests is important too. Imagine your birthday party where no one is having fun. Failure of a party, right? I don't know why some brides and grooms don't factor the same into understanding a wedding. Would you like to go to a party as a guest and just run things for the party? No. I had guests help, but limited their help to max 1-2 hours. Then they could enjoy the rest of the event. Having guests run around half the event doing stuff and missing out on key moments due to such obligations sucks.
VIII. No one likes crappy favors. Guests often prefer you skip favors instead if it's a crappy item. Yeah that magnet with your face is cool for 3 hours, then it's just a thing most people feel bad for throwing out. Or that wedding bopper/coaster? Yeah... wtf do I do with it at home? Consider optional favors guests can grab on their way out if possible. I skipped physical favors entirely. Saved money on something that no one would appreciate. I took that money and did a professional photo booth/camera session. My thoughts were that if people took time to dress up, professional pics of them in their best would be something they'd like to receive. The silly options were just a bonus.
VIIII. Comfort of bridal party should be considered if possible. I've heard of guys in full suits in 35C weather. I've heard of girls in heels for 5-6 hours. Sucks. I've heard stories about how girls excitedly and happily donned flip flips at the reception after obliterating their feet in heels during the ceremony. Guys that traded in half the monkey suit for matching superhero T-shirts. Funny stories, huge relief during the day and adds to the positive atmosphere.
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