[Crazy Bacon Legs]

I know it’s not “hip” or “cool” and that everyone hates it, but I actually love the laughter of small children. I personally find it joyous. Yet every day I come home from a long day slogging in the Sulphur mines and I’m exhausted. I smell like eggs. My shoes are full of Sulphur, and so are my undies. I get Sulphur on the floor and in the refrigerator, and I’m forced to bathe in the sink. The carpet is gritty.

Then after all that, I have to be shackled to the couch, have my eyelids propped open with tiny wires, and be forced to listen to the newscasters yell at me for six hours about how terrible the laughter of small children is? My Twitter feed is flush with hundreds of thousands of retweets about how much people hate happy babies and I’m sick of it.

If you ask me, the constant din of airhorns and barking dogs right outside my bedroom window all night long is much, much more annoying and I doubt it’s good for my health at all. Yet nobody says a thing about that! The town smells like eggs, dogs are warbling in my yard, and I think I’m deaf in my left ear. And yet somehow, every time I’m in public and a small child laughs or smiles, everyone screams and runs? And the pointing! How rude!

But I’m the weirdo for smiling?