[Pierre "Monster" McGuire]

For immediate release
November 8, 2015

Misfit Flames Off To Blazing Start

CALGARY – It’s a team of misfits, scrubs, career AHLers, PTO team-hoppers, and washed up and forgotten veterans, but the Calgary Flames seem to have aligned the cosmos and shocked the CPHL with their early success.

“Most of our roster sucks spaghetti, but we’re just riding those warm Pacific waves of success,” said Ryan Callahan, one of the good ones. “I’m carrying this team right now. My teammates can’t even tie their own [expletive] skates.”

The Flames find themselves atop the Western Conference with 19 points – a shocking position considering this is the first year of GM Pierre McGuire’s tenure. McGuire has been adamant that he will stay the course with the rebuild despite his team’s early success.

“I don’t even know how I’m still in the CPHL!” chuckled Adam Burish with his eyebrows raised. “I’ve gotten fourth line minutes by default because our GM is a schmuck and can’t find anyone to replace me.”

Defenseman Brian Campbell leads all CPHL defenders with 12 points through 13 games. Meanwhile, Calgary’s top line of Antoine Vermette, Tyler Toffoli and Ryan Callahan have combined for 50 points in 13 games.

CPHL Press