[Minnie]

Originally Posted by To Be Quite Honest

Arboristuffing,

Welcome to the exciting world of Arboristuff. Take great care in following these steps for a beautiful Tree that will out stand the test of time itself. Remember to follow the noted steps as we don't want to "Abhorrer", we want to "Arboristuff". First you'd have to rub it down with massage oil. Get deep into the knots to make sure that there is enough moisture. Use the Whilim Wood Overture method. Once complete, after 6 months of setting, coat the tree with 3 layers of Simpsons bee tree wax. It is very important to use Simpsons because if you use Amibola bees wax, you will start to attract killer bees into the neibourhood and that isn't going to help you if you start a thread here about "How do I get rid of migrating killer bees?". After furiously rubbing the wax in an up and down method the wax itself will start to flake if you don't try to adhere it with heat right away. This is where you want to use the Flammenwerfer 35, I understand that this part sounds ridiculous, but there is no other tool that will bake a roast turkey and melt Simpsons bee tree wax like the FmW 35. At this stage it almost looks like it is done but you're only half way there, and truly, congratulations on getting this far. You've shown true sandbox nature and a real outdoors man charm. At this point there is an unnatural shine on your new formed Tim Burton. This needs to be magnified 1000x's so generations can witness it's subtle beauty. Now you need to vigorously rub this thing down to make sure it says firm and stout and solid. Nothing is worse than an erect piece of wood that's hollow and visually lifeless. It's important to use a wood friendly sanitized cloth for such a task and it's luckily that you decided to Arboristuff just recently; as we all know, this ancient tradition, and thought you were the only one, died out far to soon only to be fortunately resurrected by the insatiable Japanese Dorodango Artist "Mokuzai Bassai". You must take the cloth and wrap it around your trunk and alternatively swing your arms and hips. This is going to take years to properly polish your dead wood to the shine you know your neighborhood deserves. You can use you hands like in ancient times but you do need to work for a living... Right? So don't half @55 it like the time the Arboristuffer Richard Holdings did in 1376. He was the worst. Once you get the tree to shine at 250 gloss units you'll be just about done. At last you can add the final touch of carving you initials into the trunk right in the middle for everyone to see.

Congratulations in your Arboristuffing.

Caution, climbing animals such as cats, or flying animals like birds will #### up your #### and make the job twice as hard. It is recommended to keep the animals far away from your 15 year project. It is recommended to keep all animals, when caught on the tree, in your garage. Good luck and keep pictures for you children's children's children's children!

Coles Notes: