Are you doing this on debt? If so, I'm going to throw out a suggestion for finding a free location. My friend got married at a random spot on the side of the mountain on the way up to Mt. Norquay from Banff. It was beautiful and cost $0.
In general, I don't think people like wedding ceremonies. They're formulaic and boring, so spending too much on them is a waste of money (if funds are limited; if you're wealthy with no debt, no mortgage and current on your savings plan then go nuts). This logic applies to photographer, cake, DJ, etc. (As an aside, fondant tastes awful and should be avoided at all costs on a wedding cake. You can make a homemade cake that actually tastes good - you know, the point of a cake - for ~$5/10 people. It's easy and will take an aunt/friend/you a fun afternoon in the kitchen and cost next to nothing).
As for the reception, I've had as much fun at backyard receptions as I have had at swanky ones. There are a million ways to have a free reception (other than the cost of booze sans venue mark-up). As an example, do you know anybody with a shop in an industrial park? I have one and I'd happily let any friend use it for free. You could decorate the crap out of it and it would look beautiful and cost you nothing. Get a caterer in and boom. Do you have a relative with a big house? That can work, too. Party tent erected on a friend's acreage? Rent a hall/community room somewhere (say it's for a family reunion instead of wedding and the price will plummet)...
There is simply no reason young people that still need to save for retirement, a house, furnishings etc. should be saddling themselves with a giant, unnecessary expense. Not to mention in a few years you're likely to go down to one income and have kids to raise, college funds to top up, etc. The last thing you need to saddle yourselves with right now is more unnecessary debt.
Budgets of $20k or more for a party are crazy when you can have the same amount of fun, be no less married and do it all for 1/5th the price.
Again, if you are wealthy or come from wealthy families where this expense will have no material impact on your financial future, then party as hard and as fancy as people are willing to finance you for.
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