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Originally Posted by btimbit
How old you were when he and your mom first got together?
This is something I've been struggling with myself as a step father. She thinks it would be best if I basically did everyhing his real dad would (If he wasn't a piece of garbage). Which makes a bit of sense I guess, I do love the kid as much as id live my own (at least I'd like to think, I don't know since I don't have my own.)
But obviously where I struggle is the discipline. She asks for more help with that sometimes whereas I generally cap it at sticking up for her and what she's saying. Stuff like "listen to your mother please." I don't take it into my own hands, and sometimes she'd like me to so she doesn't always have to feel like the bad guy. Her thinking is since he's so young (3) that he doesn't know what it's like for his real dad to be around and it wouldn't be your typical dbag step dad thing to do, but I'm not convinced.
What Does CP think? Sorry if it's a bit of a derail but I thought the info could potentially help the op too.
And congrats on the new girlfriend, she sounds great and I hope it works out. Mines an Oiler's fan so I'm already jealous
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If the mother of your stepson is asking for help on discipline, she wants it. This isn't a trap, a trick, anything like that. She's asking for help with her child and any good mother would already take into consideration the best interests of the child when asking for outside help.
Children need a female and male role model and it sounds like she would like you to step into the male role model position. It sounds like the actual father isn't able to (or has chosen not to) and so you aren't coming in to a situation where there is one that exists and you are pushing your way to the top. That's where I would see the "d-bag step dad" thing playing in. If the father was around, responsible and a good father and you or her were doing this because of a personal issue between the two adults with nothing to do with the child, that's wrong. Or if you were doing it to become Dad over the existing Dad because you don't want your ex to have something to do with him. What you are explaining, doesn't sound like that at all, it sounds like you would be giving this child a proper male role model in his life and helping him, not hurting him.
I 100% agree with her thinking, at 3 and the actual father being absent, he doesn't know what it's like to have the real father around and depending on how long you have been in his life, you might be seen by the child as Dad because that's what he can remember. While it's great you help back up what the mother says, it does sound like the relationship with the mother and situation is appropriate for you to act like the Dad now.