One of my best friends of 12 years is Bipolar. I've seen it from the very beginning, before she was diagnosed, all the way up to present. Much of what you described in your post I recognized in her behaviour. Before she was diagnosed she was pretty bad. At one point I lived with her and she attempted suicide 2 times while I was home and both times I stopped her and got her medical attention. She has been institutionalised multiple times. It took a while for her to get the help she needed, but now she is on her medications and while she still has her ups and downs, she is much more stable and lives a normal life on her own.
It's important to accept your condition and not blame yourself. Like with my friend, it's not your fault chemical imbalances exist in the brain. But there are way to control it and to reduce the peaks and valleys. The fact that you recognize your behaviour and want to get better is a huge step. My friend was in denial for years and every year she just seemed to worsen. Getting the help she needed was a huge weight lifted from her shoulders. Keep getting the help you need and don't be afraid to say something if it's not working for you.
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