In theory coaching Phaneuf should be easy. You just put a cupcake on the ice where you want him positioned. He skates to the cupcake to eat it. Eventually you replace the cupcake with a circle. If he skates to the circle, he gets a cupcake as a reward. Eventually you replace the circle with a player in a position he needs to defend. If he goes to the player, he gets a cupcake. If he does it in a game, he gets a box of cupcakes. As a bonus he will eventually forget he has a well-paying contract and will literally play for cupcakes.
As for Kessel, you just need to tie a cupcake on string to another person and have him skate around after it until loses a few pounds. If you can familiarize him with playing on the left wing while you're at it, so much the better.
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