Schalke/Dortmund is definitely number 1, I always felt that Bayern/Dortmund was more of convenience. Every team has a rivalry with Munich, that is what happens when the league is a monopoly. But it always changes who is the main rival based on who is successful at the time, be in Bremen in the early 2000s or Mönchengladback and Hamburger in the 70s/early 80s.
I think there is a bitterness from Dortmund having lost a top player to Munich the last two seasons but no more than what other teams have had to deal with. Just my opinion of course (except Dortmund/Schalke being the number one rivalry, that is just a fact of life).
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