[Crazy Bacon Legs]

Crazy Bacon Legs' Game Takes

Mandatory Intro

I only saw about half the second period and most of the third (I was getting angry at my fireplace. The wood did not burn quite as I expected.) From what I saw, two hockey teams entered the arena... and two exited. Except one came out victorious and the other lost. The losing team was the team I cheer for: the Calgary Flames. This makes me even more angry at the fireplace. Who built this thing? Snowmen? Honestly, it has one function: burn wood. How hard can that be?

Just so you know, I pieced this together mostly from the bits I watched in between yelling at the fireplace and searching the internet for ways to poison aggressive sheep, because frankly the sheep are scaring me.

The Game

We lost, and that is kind of bad. Still, nobody lost any limbs and I don't think there were any hard feelings. Any day you leave work like that is a GIFT.

The Goat

I did not watch this game with the goat. The llama and the duck (whose name is George) were there but the duck kept wandering off to look for beetles. I keep them inside during game time (the llama and the goat, not beetles). The sheep are getting mutinous.

But if I had to choose a bad player from the Flames... Diaz, maybe? Was he playing tonight? I don't know. I am not good at this.

There Goes My Hero!

Johnny Gaudreau has returned to form, and that form is: "screaming baboon lit on fire and catapulted at my tour bus by angry natives." This has happened to me twice in my lifetime, and I still have nightmares. Frankly, I expect Gaudreau to play like this every game from now on. Don't disappoint me, Johnny Hockey, or I might as well just give up, sell my stuff, get the old members of the cult back together, and start claiming the comet is making a return.

Three Stars

1. Johnny Gaudreau: Let's face it, the boy is a creature from beyond the hallowed halls of the wailing dead. A regular banshee in red and yellow silks, Johnny Hockey is.

2. The Lightning player who scored the winning goal in OT. He's pretty good I guess.

3. ???? - I can't remember who I had picked here anymore, so let's go with Johnny Hockey again. I quite like him and he made a nifty dangle through the slot and beat all the Lightning guys. Cool.

Overall Game Take

I think the Flames did well, despite the loss. The cord of "seasoned" cedar I bought? Pure garbage. I mean, seriously: you put wood in the fireplace and light it on fire. How hard it that? Thousands of buildings burn down each year BY ACCIDENT and I can't light a bunch of wood on fire on purpose to save my life? And the bloody fireplace has a draft that SHOOTS AIR DOWN AT THE FIRE and puts it out every time it gets going. I swear that someone reverse-engineered the perfect fire supression system, stuck it in my chimney, and called it a day. I hate my fireplace so much. The duck is cold and the sheep are knocking on the door. Help me.