Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex libris
As one of the women on this site, I guess I should voice my opinion - although others have explained it much better than I could.
Like the post above says, there is nothing wrong with appreciating beauty - and so I have no issues with the idea of the YLYL thread. It's the objectifying comments/attitudes that some posters have that is so infuriating. And those comments/attitudes do show up in other threads.
I usually feel very welcome in this forum (although I rarely post, I do visit several time a day), but there are times when the sexist comments/attitude makes me feel very unwelcome.
Also, not sure how to say this without seeming condescending or something, but I don't know if guys know what it's like to constantly be judged only by looks. A woman could be intelligent, have a great job, have lots of accomplishments, etc, and still be reduced to '4/10 would not bang' because she may not fit the photoshoppped ideal of perfect woman. Not saying that every guy does this, of course.
Ugh, I feel like I'm doing a horrible job of explaining myself, so I will stop typing now  |
You sound reasonable and your concerns are very understandable, I think that's roughly the line most here are trying to draw as well. While I think the idea behind appreciating attractiveness is fine, I agree whatever other chatter happens in there should be contained to that thread.
But really, if you go in, what do you really expect to see? It's just like as a religious individual I find the level of ignorance in the apostate/atheist thread insulting on a personal level (especially when throwing the negative actions of those of a specific religion under "religion" as a whole, and making it all out to be some terrible plague - it's so, so much more complex than that), but I try to avoid saying anything there as it's kind of as advertised in the title, and I really shouldn't bother stepping into a conversation that's bound to disappoint me anyways. It's just doing yourself a favour, but on that note it should really stay within the confines of that thread where it belongs.
As for the constant judging, that is definitely a real issue. And it's not condescending, we (well many of us) understand perfectly well. Societal standards run both ways, while however being harsher and more strict on women. For guys, it's (apparently) being tall, fit, dark hair/complexion, and being able to be the more financially stable one. Shallow sounding, I know. But that's the idea we're given by the way many describe the "ideal" man on the tv, radio, and various social media. Trust me when I say, the pressure is definitely felt by guys to meet these standards too. And while females tend not to be vocal with such that kind of objectifying chatter (and it's appreciated), I know some guys (myself included) can sometimes be paranoid that women are at least mentally putting us next to a checklist, to see whether we're good enough for them. This is why women in groups can be slightly terrifying when you're interacting with them. When we leave, we imagine you might be picking us apart. Today's standards do a number on males and females growing up and the way we go about "building ourselves", the problem (and sad part) is, many of us are building towards somebody else's standards, not our own. You'll never truly be content with yourself if you always believe there's a way to fit better into this mould society has spoon fed us. That's why I most appreciate people who know how senseless it is to devote yourself to, and strive to be whatever they want to be, and not care. Also to approach others with an open mind, and hopefully you know, digging a bit beyond the surface before throwing someone 'into the bin'. We're all born the way we are, and it's certainly unfair for anyone's value to stop at appearance or these terribly superficial things.
Bleh. But what can you do..