[ChickenPho]

I didnt think my boss would be upset over me changing my invite to the staff golf tourney next month from yes to no. Otherwise, i would not have done it had i known how he was going to react. To put it bluntly, I just dont care about golf, period. That, and Im just not a big fan for staff get togethers (I have to be in the mood for them), especially if theyre not during company hours. Want me to go? Make it during work hours or have it at a venue that interests me.

So I emailed him last weekend saying Im not gonna go anymore because I have family plans that night and I wont have enough time. But i initially said i would go when i got the invite 6 weeks ago (even though i really didnt want to go) but clicked yes because i felt i had no choice. But as it got closer to the date, i got a bit queezy about going cause deep down i knew i didnt want to.

Today he comes to me asking what i got going on that I cant go, and gives me this dead serious look. At first I thought he was being sarcastic, because he can be a lot of times. So because i thought he was being sarcastic, i first replied with an unsure smile and said "are you serioius?" A few secs later i realized that holy crap hes really really upset about this! Hes not playing around, he was downright pissed! Immediately, i just said to myself, oooh this is not good....

So i said that I have a family birthday. Sorry, but family ALWAYS comes first, well before work (i didnt say this to him). I know that may sound bad, but its just where i stand, my family always comes first.

Then he said "well i would really like to see you there" and its a great time to get to know others - your typical run of the mill verbatims. For me, no offense, but at the end of the long work day, i just want to go home, clean up and relax. The day is done, let me relax and enjoy my free time. Am I an inconsiderate ahole for thinking this way?

Then he said that he will even let me go early that day with pay, to let me do my thing, just so i can be at the staff event after for so and so time sharp, and stay the whole 9 rounds for about 4 hours long...which in summary is pretty much my entire night. Being let go early with pay, nice! I was definitely not expecting that!

Do you think he countered with that offer because if i didnt show up, it would hurt his image? Or cause hes just being nice? I have a feeling that because im technicially his assistant (hes a dept manager), that if i dont go it would make him look bad to the owners and other staff. Obviously me going means a lot to him, hence why he kept harping i went. That leads me to asking you this, should ones assistant always attend?

Do you think i should take him up on his offer? Im worried ill look selfish if i do, since i would obviously be putting my family ahead of work. I wont do it if its gonna do more damage. Would you do it?

I appreciate being offered it, but still not happy about being so forced to go to this event. Everyones just going to goof off and drink, its not like awards are gonna be handed out or company reports will be gone over. I dont even drink anyways.

Could i have handled this better? Forsure. But i just dont understand why he was so upset about this. So i said ill still go. I pretty much had no choice.

Should i apologize?

How bad does it look on me for trying to back out?

Do you think i destroyed my reputation?

What can I do now or say to him to deflect some of the negativity and backlash on me? Things are on shaky ground right now and i need to do or say something to put things at ease and make him drop this. I dont see why its such a big deal in the first place.

Sorry for the long read but im just really really worried this destroyed me, he will think less of me and most likely killed my chances of getting a bonus or raise ever.