[Yamer]

Empathy for everyone who has had to deal with this decision and the loss in the last few pages of posts. Look back a couple months and you know I completely understand the situation.

I'm happy that I could be there for my cat (Biz) at the end, but unfortunately over 2 months later those final moments in the vet clinic is where my memories end up when I think of him. That sucks. I have all those great, amazing, wonderful moments with my little buddy but it always ends with the pain and strain on his face, his blindness & panting, the injection, and the vet placing the stethoscope to his heart and declaring that he's gone. It's all so vivid in my mind, including the feeling of him going cold as I let go of his paw and left the room.

I don't know if that's normal, but it's where my mind goes everytime I walk past his paw-print casting on the bookcase in my living room. It's heart-wrenching, but it's not like it overshadows the fond memories. It's just where the train of thought always ends. I will probably never, ever let go of the second guessing of whether I made that decision too early. I really, really hope none of you have that lingering feeling or those perpetual thoughts.

On the lighter side, we actually ended up adopting a beefy, mischievous, black, medium-hared domestic dubbed Hank at Petland in Red Deer. I visited the adoption center about 4 days after I let go of Biz as a sort of self-healing process. 3 days later I felt the compulsion to go back, and Hank was there. His personality reminded me of Biz, and after visiting with him in the open room I really made a connection. Just before I filled out the papers to adopt him I found out he was brought to the temporary shelter the same day we let Biz go.

Since I only adopted him about 11 days after Biz had passed I felt extreme remorse, as if I betrayed Biz in some way. I'm happy that has passed, and it started when Hank curled up in my lap that first day, purring away as though he was thanking me for saving him from the streets and that tiny cage in the Petland adoption center.

For those of you with that ache in your hearts and soul, I can't say it necessarily completely disappears. However, I can say that the experience of sharing your life, love, and hearth with your friend carries into everything you do and everything you become. Remember them fondly and be thankful for the joy and affection you shared. It's a relatable yet utterly unique relationship that everyone and no one can understand. You should be contented with the idea and fact that if they could, at some point in their lives, express thanks and appreciation for everything you provided them then they most certainly would. And, more importantly, if you could do the same for them then you truly should understand how incredible, special, and complete that time was.