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Originally Posted by zztim81
Hey Guys,
I hate to bump an old thread, but after 6.5 years of marriage and nearly 12 years together Mrs. Decided to pack up and walk out on me.I wouldn’t wish these feelings on my worst enemy, and I feel for everyone in this thread I am sure can relate to the frustrations and concerns and uncertainty that the other guys like Kunkstyle and CrazyCaper have felt. All I can say is thank god I didn’t have any kids to be pulled into the middle of my mess…
It’s been 6 months now since she left, and there is no chance of reconciliation, she says she doesn’t love me anymore, our place is holding her back, and she doesn’t want kids and never will (something that I do want eventually but have been in no rush to have).So far… touch wood… she has been very amicable regarding assets and our place etc. and both of us are interested in avoiding lawyer bills or court cases In order to split the sheets so to speak. And I just want to be fair, I know it takes two and I cant blame her for everything or be vindictive.
There has been some discussion on here about no fault divorces and doing things like writing a separation agreement yourself instead of getting a lawyer, and also this 400$ option for assistance in filling out the necessary documents. Has anyone ever done these themselves? And where do you start to find out about these options? I have already talked to the bank and I think I can assume our mortgage and make it work with one income but it’s going to be tight when you consider a payout for her share of the property and assets equity. One thing I gleaned from this thread is try and make my arrangements faster and sooner than later while there might be some guilt in her still for not trying to work it out, as it seems the longer it takes the more she is going to feel entitled to and the more it’s going to cost me financially and emotionally.
Any advice is much appreciated!
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Yes, you can do this very economically if you both cooperate and make your respective legal counsels cooperate as well. When my ex and I went through this, her lawyer quickly discerned that we were being fairly adult about it all and gave her a raft of information and worksheets for us to complete. His advice was to do as much sorting out as we could on our own and not incur legal bills for routine stuff that two adults should be able to sort out on their own. Fairly quickly (a couple months) we had a agreement to sign off and I needed to get my own lawyer because the same lawyer can't act for both parties.
That's when the real fighting started because the lawyer I hired immediately start slamming the deal and jacking up the rhetoric about one thing being unacceptable and the next thing being outrageous, we need to write letters and make demands, etc. (have to pump up those billable hours, you see).
Once I made it clear that I fully understood the terms and what I was signing off on she, reluctantly, got on board and the agreement was presented to the court. Done deal. Even though going through the process there were times I wanted to break furniture and strike people with it, it was a far better outcome than 98% of the divorces I have personal knowledge of.
See a lawyer first and have them explain the steps of the process to you. Then commit the decisions and agreements with your ex to paper as you go. You don't have to sort it all out in a day or two. Get the easy stuff down on paper and get the process rolling. It will tend to make the bigger issues easier to deal with if there is a track record of previous agreements, demonstrations of reasonableness and desire to resolve things without acrimony. My 2 cents.