[schooner]

Originally Posted by Senator Clay Davis

So when you work in retail you pretty much repeat the same lines to the point where it's basically robotic. Usually the go to one when they were leaving was "Have a good one'" (whatever the hell that means, as me and fellow employees once discussed). So I'm checking out this really good looking MILF and for whatever reason comes out "have a big one". Flush red face within seconds after that. Unfortunately it didn't turn out like porn and she didn't invite me back to her house.

My coworker has a really bad problem of making things plural that should not be. So he had two people leaving his office, a very old lady and her daughter, he meant to say goodbye to both, hence him thinking he needed a plural, but instead looked the older lady right in the eyes and said "enjoy the rest of your days."

Originally Posted by Huntingwhale

-Getting in an elevator after work to walk to the train. Someone from the company gets on along with you, and just happens to be going to the station. So not wanting to seem like a dick, you walk/chat with them all along the way. Then when you get to the platform, you usually like to stand at the exact same spot. You have no idea where they like to stand. The other person feels the same way. Neither of you asks where you normally stand. So you both end up waiting right at the very front.

-Dropping a fart in your office and of course 2 seconds later the hot girl on the floor walks in. She notices. You notice she notices. Awkwardness ensues. But she takes in like a champ. Then it happens again the very next day. She finally says something like ''if you didn't want me to come in your office, you could have just told me''. F#$@

-Call in sick for work, and the person who normally would cover for you also happens to call in sick. You both look like slackers.

-Talking with a coworker about something work related. When you are done speaking to each other, you head to the washroom to drop a stool. 2 stalls, one is occupied. No problem, you take the other one. Horrid sounds from both stalls. You both get out of the stall to wash up, and it's the same co worker you were just chatting with. Neither of you say anything to each other, yet you both know what the other is thinking.

Myself and 2 coworkers like to go out for drinks once in a while. One morning I was feeling really sick so I call in. However, I normally drive one of them to work. The other guy offers to give him a ride, but his position allows him to manage his own schedule so he goes in about 45 mins later, making the first guy 45 mins late. In the end, two of them are seen as late and I call in sick. To this day everybody at work thinks we were hammered the night before.

Originally Posted by flameswin

Hopefully this one hasn't been brought up yet; When you're in a customer service situation and the employee tells you to enjoy whatever service you are paying for and you say "Thanks, you too".

Happens all the time.

And my favourite....

I was doing a mortgage application and was discussing the life insurance options. Part of the health question includes being previously diagnosed with medical depression, mental illness or anxiety. Husband answers first and and says no. I crack a joke that his wife might think differently. She answers next and says yes so I laugh thinking its a follow up to my joke. The response..."but seriously yes." I have never apologized so much in my life.