Quote:
Originally Posted by jonesy
As I understand it, the story goes
1. God created the earth and filled it with creatures and stuff
2. Life goes on for untold eons in this state. (Millions of years, who knows)
3. Lucifer rebelled with 1/3 of the angels
4. Angels (now demons) cast to earth, wreak havoc on the inhabitants. Including sons of God mingling with sons of Man (source of giants, Time of Atlantis?)
5. God destroys the earth in pre Adamic flood. (This was global wipeout)
6. Starts over with Adam (6000 years ago)
7. Things go on.....as recounted in OT (sort of bibilcal history from here)
8. Much more localized flood in Noahs time, earth naturally repopulates.
9. God says, I can't keep smiting the earth, I won't do it anymore.
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In other words.....
1. The man himself made everything, animals, fauna, dinosaurs...he was proud!
2. Everyone lived happily ever after until....
3. Gods right hand man...Beelzebub has a nervous breakdown and leaves the boardroom table. He takes 1/3 of Gods workforce with him. It must have been better wages or working hours?
4. Gods little Angels and now little devils, populated the earth, and became Beelzebubs henchmen or little Devils. This causes the creatures to copulate, party, smoke dope and generally act bad.
5. The Good God in a FIT of rage destroys everything....heck he even throws the blueprints away while mumbling about poor genetics and that bugger Beelzebub.
6. God feels morose about destroying everything...meanwhile Beelze and his devil buddies move underground. God picks up some dirt...throws it in the air and says...Adam be born...and he was. Adam gets lonely...God understands and tears a rib from Adams chest...throws it in the air and proclaims...woman...then the whole apple and snake thing yadayadayadayada...
7. the damned Devils keep causing problems....the one team that God just cant seem to defeat. God says I know...Ill drown the buggers...but worries about wrecking everything once again. He calls an old friend...a REAL old friend...600 year old Noah and asks him to bilz de boat...Noah as a good old Newf would, bilzes de boat and brings it home to Liza. God then says Noah...gather two of every animal and bring them onto your boat...Noah mutters something under his breath...but does as the Man says. God makes it rain...and rain....and rain...it ****ed down rain so hard it literally flooded the ENTIRE earth...go figure. You see God wanted to drown all those devils that couldnt get the 6:00 boat to Eden.
8. The sun comes out...Noah lets the passengers out...and lo and behold the smitten old man once again finds that he didnt rid the earth of the devil again...he sighed...and called John Smith an old friend and said John...are you Moreman than Noah?
Is that about right?