[wittynickname]

Originally Posted by 19Yzerman19

Again, it wouldn't matter if 1 in 4 people had been the victim of assault at the hands of a black person, it would be equally wrong to take the position that any time you see a black guy walking toward you you need to take a defensive posture.

Whether or not a person makes the choice that they're going to adopt an attitude like this out of necessity (which I think is a very sad way to live one's life) is a different issue. But if you do, don't be self-righteous about it because if it's a necessary evil (which again I dispute) it remains evil. Reading some of the posts on facebook and other social media about this stuff lately has made me sick to my stomach.

I have three friends who have been drugged, both of my sisters and my mother were sexually assaulted, a friend was date-raped (also secretly filmed during the act, and the guy then sent the video to his friends), another friend who was emotionally, sexually, and physically abused by an ex-boyfriend, two aunts who were abused physically and a grandmother who was abused emotionally.

How many friends do you have that were hit on by gay guys to the point of fearing for their safety? How many relatives do you have that were beat up by black guys?

This isn't a made up statistic. Every woman I know either was a victim herself or knows several. Every. Woman. This isn't rare or unusual. This is reality for us.

And yes, maybe we'll give a fake number or avoid your advances. Sorry, your feelings are hurt. We'll worry more about offending your sensibilities when we stop getting killed/raped/assaulted/abused en masse.

Originally Posted by Peanut

So your argument is that 1 in 4 women being sexually assaulted is a twisted statistic made up to persecute men?! Or that the stats are twisted to try and make women more defensive or frightened of men?

Sorry, but women are not defensive because of stats that we read on the internet. We are defensive because we've EXPERIENCED some form of unwanted sexual harassment, touching or assault at some point in our lives. Ass slapped on transit? Or out at a bar? Check. Drugs slipped into your drink? Check. Inappropriate touching by a teacher, coach or someone in a position of authority? Check. Men in the workplace making lewd, inappropriate or derogatory comments? Check.

Seriously. If a woman manages to avoid date rape, partner abuse or familial abuse, that's pretty fortunate. The more minor stuff like I described above happens to basically everyone. That's how we learn to be defensive.

This is the thing--we are not all hating men. I don't hate men in general, I hate the patriarchal crap that causes everyday problems for every woman I know. I hate that currently more people in the US are upset because THEY'RE GONNA TAKE OUR GUNS than the fact that the extreme misogynist views of a psycho killed six innocent people.

But I date. I like to flirt. I enjoy being around men. But that doesn't mean that I don't have to take precautions everytime I date someone, that doesn't mean that every woman doesn't have to take precautions everytime she dates someone. I had a date over on Thursday evening, and as a precaution, I texted the girl who lives across the hall to keep an ear out, just in case things went bad. Went to dinner with a different guy last month, and had several friends waiting to hear from me afterward to make sure I was safe. This is reality for women. Until you can grasp that it's not hatred of men, it's fearing for our own safety, you will not understand that it isn't about your hurt feelings, it's about our survival.

Originally Posted by To Be Quite Honest

I'm always flattered when women approach me. Wish they'd do it to us guys more often.

How many men do you know who have been physically or sexually assaulted by women? How many men do you know who have been felt up on a train by a freaky woman? How many men do you know who have been called derogatory names because he didn't respond properly to a woman's advances?

Originally Posted by 19Yzerman19

Now take this and apply it to personal experiences relating to some other group of people. I.e., "I've personally experienced an overbearing gay guy coming on to me at a bar and touching me inappropriately, and therefore I have a distrust of gay guys based on my experience that is wholly justified!"

Again, if someone were to apply this to any other group, we would all join in chorus in saying to that person "#### you". I don't know how people can be so tone deaf about this.

Again: How many friends do you have who have repeatedly experienced being come onto by an overbearing gay man who touched them inappropriately?

Tell men to stop feeling entitled to women's bodies, teach men that date rape is still rape. Teach men that cat-calling is offensive. Teach men that it's not okay to feel a girl up on a train. Obviously there are enough men doing it that it's a problem.

Stop blaming the victims for being afraid. Blame the men who are perpetuating that fear.