[Yamer]

Well, sadly, for those who have peeked into the other thread I have been posting in, my dear friend suddenly took a turn for the worst this evening and needed me to make that fateful decision that he couldn't for himself. At about 8 PM tonight, I said thank-you and good-bye, and stood by my feline companion as he drew his final breath and was finally able to rest. His name was Biz, he was 14 years old, and he was a great friend. I will miss him greatly.

I'm just numb right now, with intermittent periods of weeping. I was glad that I was with him in the end, but I can't stop picturing his lifeless expression in my mind. Yet, he was in so much trouble when I last saw him alive. Suddenly blind, face twitching, feebly mewing for someone to make it all OK. After settling him on the counter in a warm blanket and an air-warmed mattress thing, he calmed down somewhat...but had a completely blank stare. I think he was all but gone at that time, and after he started to pant and struggle again I just wanted it over for his sake.

With how suddenly it progressed they think it may have been a tumor, but at the request of another family member we will not be doing an autopsy. Part of me wishes I insisted, because despite of everything I just don't feel closure. What the #### killed my friend and stole him from me? And what the #### could I have done to save him? Did we make the wrong decision?

I can't believe I have to go to work in the morning.