[Crazy Bacon Legs]

Hey guys! It’s Crazy Bacon Legs, from the internet! I’m in heaven now, because I am quite dead.

Let me tell you, they have this all you can eat salad and seafood bar up here… it’s to die for. Ha ha! Joke! Because I am dead. You killed me! But no hard feelings. I mean, the shrimp really is amazing.

Everyone’s up here, even my grampa. Except he doesn’t look old like I remember him; instead he looks about 22 years old and I thought he was a hobo trying to steal my scampi. After a bit of a scrap, I got a time out, we realized who each other were and we sort of did a fist bump and then had a beer and a crab leg. Good times.

And you’ll never believe what it’s like up here… you can try your hand at lassoing a bear! A grizzly bear! And the bear doesn't mind at all. I managed to lasso one after about 15 minutes, and the cool thing about heaven is you never get bored. I stared at a squirrel for six hours the other day. Time has little meaning here, and it’s awesome!

Anyhow, I should go now. I have a jam session with John Lennon in 5 minutes, and he’s letting me play guitar. Thing is, everyone is an amazing musician up here, but John? He has a little something special. And George Harrison is sitting in with us too, which is pretty cool. But I need to hurry. It’s only a matter of time before Yoko croaks and comes up here to ruin everything.

Oh, yeah: best of luck with the mafia thing. I hope you guys can win. It’s a tough game, but stick it out. And if you don’t make it, try the lobster salad. It’s worth being pummeled to death while mafia members snicker in the background. Well, maybe not, but it's pretty freaking good.