[Crazy Bacon Legs]

I suppose you're all wondering why I gathered you here today. Except I didn't. Or did I?

I suppose some of you think that murder is cool, because all the cool kids and the rappers and the particle physicists are doing it. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that particle physicists are nature's monsters. Well, I'm here to tell you that I don't think murder is cool. It's bad for your health. I don't want anyone to be murdered. OR DO I?!

Well, let's kill some mafia scum. That's not murder, it's justice. Or is it??? Nobody knows! Certainly not me! Normative beliefs surrounding justice are highly subjective and are based on a personal set of beliefs derived from personal experience, genetic predisposition and societal norms in one's cultural and social sub-group. At least that's what I read once in a fortune cookie.

Crazy Bacon Legs twirls his villain mustache and cackles maniacally. But then the mustache falls off. It was a fake! It was all a ruse to convince the mafia he was their friend. OR WAS IT?!