This happened to me in my early 20's too. Time was suddenly noticeably ticking by. I spent my entire childhood looking forward to getting older, summer vacation, get out of school, move out of my parents place, etc. Once all that happened, in a way I got a huge reality check that my life was rolling on, whether or not I was ready for it. At that point, my little brother (20 at the time) had a near death head injury which put him in the ICU for 3 weeks and the hospital for 2 months after that.
As soon as I knew he was going to be okay, everything I was stressed out about in my life came to a breaking point. I suddenly had severe panic attacks, panic disorder (where you have constant anxiety about having a panic attack), I was snappy with everyone and felt like my life was falling off the tracks. I had no idea what I wanted in terms of a career, I was in a relationship with someone I disliked because it was convenient, I started questioning everything...and I mean everything. Religion, science, happiness...The universe seemed way too big for me. I wouldn't go as far as to say I was depressed...but I certainly wasn't happy. The whole emotional thing, I totally get it. There was a while where I couldn't watch the news, otherwise I'd get anxiety. My brothers accident gave me a very close look at mortality. Being alive, then potentially not the next day. Getting dressed in the morning, potentially for the last time without knowing it. "Die? I can't die! Ever! Think of everything I'd miss!". But then my little bro just about did...what a reality check. Suddenly I wasn't invincible. Neither was anyone I loved.
It takes a lot of thinking and soul searching to get out of that state of mind. For me as far as the anxiety was concerned, mediation and yoga did WONDERS. You can't get your mind back on track until you get things like the depression and anxiety under control. Once those were in check, I was able to sit down and really think about my life with clarity. Honestly, I'm glad it happened for a lot of reasons:
- I can handle anxiety now
- I ditched the idea of God/religion and am 100% happier because of it
- I can now view mortality in a rational way. Yes, I'll die one day, the Earth has a 100% mortality rate. There is no escaping it. But it certainly gives more credence to the phrase 'Live Life to the Fullest'. I don't fear my own mortality anymore. I accept that it'll happen, but not before I have some fun.
- After some soul searching, I found a great career path and am following it happily.
- I got out of that lame relationship and ditched my negative friends. Who you surround yourself with is a huge factor in your happiness.
- I still question everything, but as a skeptic and not a cynic.
When you come out of whatever you're going through, you'll no doubt be older & wiser. Another thing I learned from my "Existential crisis" was that taking risks usually isn't as big of a deal as you think. Change is good, and keeps us moving. Anyways, that's my story.
